Will I Be Able to Love My Future Spouse More Than My Children?

Q. Jessica, I like the idea of developing a relationship that is on a solid foundation where two people are in unison, however I don’t know if that’s something I would be able to do. As a single parent, I don’t I feel as though I would be able to put somebody who has not been in my life as long as my daughter, before her. Is this possible?

A. What a great question, and it is a question for all of us, not just for unmarried individuals. How on earth are we supposed to put anyone “above” our family? How are we supposed to find a companion, and then love them more than our own children? The answer is not actually found in creating a new certain “point-of-view”. The answer is found in learning first how to understand priorities, and living according to the Spirit.

“Putting God first in our lives is a matter of priority. Successfully learn how to do this, then living for your future spouse above your child will become easy.”

A Man Without Spiritual Priority

In the book of Mark, there is an account of a man who goes up to Jesus seeking a life free of persecution. Like most of us, his stuff has become his life, and he had grown sick and tired of it.

I have known many parents who are guilty of this same exact issue, living, breathing, and spending every waking moment for their children. The man in Mark was desperate to life a live free from persecution and is found running up to Christ and asking, “What shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?” Eternal life in the Greek is: ‘aionios zoe’, and aionios zoe literally means, life without ionic (natural) persecutions/limitations.

Christ, in His knowledge and wisdom, looks at the man and says (in a sense), “Brother, ever since you were a kid you have known how to live a moral life. You have lived by a good moral code, and obeyed all of God’s commandments.” The man responds, “Yes, yes, all of this I have done since I was a kid!” Scripture then says that Jesus loved him. God loves it when we obey His commandments. He loves it when we choose the high-road, and always try to do everything right. He loves seeing us striving for excellence, but He also knows that there is more to life since the coming of His Son, than just living life by rules and regulations.

“Choosing to life live by moral code alone, is not choosing to live a life by Biblical code, or according to Christ’s Commission. Living a life free of limitations and following after Christ in the Spirit, this is really LIVING!”

Living a Life by Morality Alone, is Living a Dead Life

There is a problem living life by a strict moral code only. Our tendency to life live “morally” tends to justification. Like, “We can keep having unmarried sex, because someday we will get married, and I am always faithful.” Science has even proven that if you are trying to loose weight, you had better vary the exercises, because your  body will get lazy and ineffective as it grows accustomed to the same repetitive movements.

The simple fact is that living according to law, and not Spirit will cause you burn out! How many things “perfect” can you do at one time? Can you perfectly balance a plate, stand on one foot, speak to your children, think perfect thoughts, and listen to perfected people- all at once? What a tall order! The root of the words morality, mortal, mortal, mortality is the latin word “mor”, this word “mor” means “life”. Thus the word morality means and insinuates “life or death generating, good or bad deciding”.  The reason why I state that living a life by morality is living a dead life, is because if you choose to live your life according to right vs wrong only, you have limited yourself to this physical realm. We must learn how to follow Christ, and let Him lead us by the Spirit, in order to position us and equip us with the ability to follow a spouse in the natural.

After Jesus and the man discussed that he had become a creature living by a code of morality his whole life, Christ spoke to him and said “You have done well my friend, however there is one thing that you are not doing.” Curious, the man all-ears listens as Christ tells him what he needs to do. Christ goes on to tell him, “In order to live an eternal life, a life without persecutions, what you need to do is sell everything that you have that is persecuting you, and follow me. Get sold out to My program.” Grieved, the man went away. (Mark 10)

It is not enough to just try and life “perfect”. It is the whole reason why God sent His Son to die for our sins! He knew how impossible it was for us to life “perfect”. Instead however, He sent us His Son to live “perfect” for us, so that we can live “perfected” in Him. Understanding how to put God first place in your life above your children, or even your spouse, is to understand that God and His Word is the source of all things that we need. If the man in Mark would have waited around for Jesus to elaborate, he would have come to understand Christ saying, “If you follow me, and my way of doing things, everything you have ever wanted and needed will be given to you- free of a “moral” code, you will be living on and by a Christ Commission!

Today’s Key Takeaway’s:

  • Understanding how to put a future spouse above your child, takes understanding how to put God first place in your life. Without the one, you can not have the other.
  • As you put Christ as the priority of your life, and you begin to follow Him, you can rest in the Christ Commission. Every decision you make moving forward is a Christ-like one and there is nothing like living a life of “compounding Christ!”
  • Children will come and go, through death spouses may come and go, relatives will come and go. All of these people have earthly limitations (they have life only), Father God however has ZERO limitations and will always be there for you. Putting Him in a priority position in your life, builds a foundation on an unlimited source!

What Can You Do?

Making the Word of God (the Bible, and Christ’s way of doing things) priority in your life, and choosing to live a life based on the Christ Commission and not on moral code alone, requires a complete sell-out to God. Just like the man who sought Christ, and Christ told him to sell everything that he had to follow Him, we too must “sell” all that we have- all that stuff that HAS us! We must become sell-outs for Christ! You can start by getting rid of all of your anti-Christ books, pictures, music, magazines, movies, “friendly” associations, clothes, etc. You can not get rid of family, you can not get rid of friends. You can however begin to live your life as an example of Christ in action for your children, and as far as negative family is concerned, distance yourself.

I know that it seems kind of overwhelming to refer to things as  “anti-Christ”, but in all honesty, the spirit of the Anti-Christ is found in everything that goes against Christ and His Word! Maybe you have never thought of your things as ‘talismans, vodoo dolls, or good-luck charms’ but if it is negative, or comes against what you know is in the Word of God- it is not for you! If you question your things and their ‘holiness’ go to your heart, your Pastor, and the Word of God, judge them by Phil 4:8. Would you die for them, in order to keep them…? If so, then your things have you! You have not completely sold-out! Sell-out, follow Jesus!

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Phil 4:8

“Wholehearted and SOLD OUT!”

Father God, be with your children. Show them that as sell-outs to You, they will never lack anything! Psalm 34:10 says, “The young lions lack food and suffer hunger, but they who seek (inquire of and require) the Lord [by right of their need and on the authority of His Word], none of them shall lack any beneficial thing.” Show Your children Father the ease of putting You first, their spouses second and their children third as a reasonable and completely do-able and necessary thing, in order to be free from persecution. Show them Lord that ordinary living, is living in mortality- but extraordinary living, is living in You! Give us all Your grace today, and forgive us for being out-of-line, bring us our future spouses and show them the same revelation. I desire to be a sell-out, married to a sell-out! In Your Son Jesus’ name AMEN!

God Bless you friends,

Love always,


Thank you for reading this Whole & Heavenly Series for Singles.

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