Why Do People “Put Up With” and Stay In Bad Relationships?

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Why Do People “Put Up With” and Stay In Bad Relationships?

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matt 5:48

The other day, the question was posed to me- Why do you think people put up with and stay in bad relationships? The type of relationships where one person is gone all the time, or perhaps the couple gets into debt deeply over their expenses, or physical, psychological, and emotionally abusive relationships why do people do it?

Some relationships keep going on and on, and yet everyone is waiting for the relationship to fall apart. Why do these folks stay together-what is holding them to each other? How can they manage to continue to stay together if it is obvious that they don’t love each other anymore?

Tough question, easy answer.

The answer to this question can be found in ones acceptance and justification of life and it’s challenges. The majority of people who remain in hurting relationships do so because they are “ok with” living for one singular and “perfect” moment. They have surrendered to the thought that they couldn’t possibly be happy 100% of the time- so as long as Thanksgiving works out… or Christmas… or that one Tuesday LAST YEAR…

How many people have given up their lives of freedom for one perfect day in the control of others?

Don’t Settle for One Moment of Perfection- Live a LIFE of Perfection!

I am here today to encourage you that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SETTLE! YOU CAN BE HAPPY TODAY and EVERYDAY! As I was discussing this subject, I was thinking primarily of Christmas. Every little detail is worked at towards perfection, the families all come together, and we take time off of work. People are especially nice and forgiving, and the day is a day to rejoice. In all accounts more-or-less it is a “perfect” day. This does not need to be fleeting! Christ HAS come… PEACE has been loosed on this earth! We can choose peace!

How many people have given up their lives of freedom for one perfect day in the control of others? How many women are at home being abused waiting for that one day that their boyfriends DON’T come home drunk? Every human being is waiting for, dying for, hungering for a moment of peace. Men, women, children are willing to put up with anything for ONE glimpse of hope.

A sculptor takes a piece of marble and carves it into the image he sees in his mind, our determination will either KEEP us being abused- or change our situations entirely… it is our choice- what’s our picture of perfection-one day or MANY days?

Jobs, Relationships, Mentors, Teachers

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

The human body can only deal in the physical for so long… just ask a professional boxer… the spirit of a man however can put up indefinitely. Our spirits have been created for eternity, in many “bad” relationships it is only by our spirits and our determination, that we continue to remain in these bad situations. Let us break this stronghold and stubborn determination in the name of Jesus, and let us choose to live by the power of the Holy Spirit to become well springers of hope daily! Scripture says that in Him “you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” OUR HAPPINESS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MOMENTARY… WE CAN OVERFLOW WITH HOPE!

If you have never thought of your job or your school as a relationship, I would like to inform you that ANY time people are involved in your life you are in a relationship.

  • Do you feel like ONE day is enough to make you happy?
  • Is your boss only temporarily happy with your performance?
  • Does your church only recognize you when you have DONE something?
  • Does your boyfriend or girlfriend only come around once in a while?

YOU and YOUR daily happiness CAN and WILL change these situations and the people you are in relationship with!

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. Luke 2:11 & Eph 2:15-16

DO NOT SETTLE for ONE Day… Choose to LIVE Your Life DAILY in PEACE

Breaking off relationships is HARD to do, and rather unrealistic in most cases. Living HOLY however, that is another story. We can ALL choose to live Holy. Living Holy simply means to live by God’s Word. When we choose to live by God’s Word when choose to say to ourselves and others that we are tired of settling for just ONE DAY. Those of us who have tasted “the good ” in Him WANT IT EVERYDAY. As you begin to live Holy DAILY, one of two things will happen…

The people who have been stringing you along will get persecuted by your Holiness and will leave


They will fall in love all over again with you and your Holiness, and they will DESIRE to have YOUR same peace of mind, and will ask you where you got it!

Tough Questions

Are you ready for your relationships to change? Are you willing to walk away-or see a “loved one” leave? Are you ready to live everyday as perfected?

Living a perfected life is totally possible, when you set your mind to living a Holy life. When you use the Bible to define your thoughts, you begin to make the right types of decisions. Your moves, motives, thoughts, and desires become established in the eternal-giving that spirit man of yours ALL the hope it needs.

Perhaps, if you are living with someone you are not married to, and you read in the Bible that you need to stop sleeping together-you decide that you need to become Holy and STOP sleeping together. This is going to do one of two things… end a relationship that was only ever based on MOMENTARY perfection and happiness, OR begin a NEW relationship of trust, respect, and Holy guidance- you will have a NEW relationship, unlike you never had before in EITHER case! Are you READY to move on with your life!?! You can DO IT!

May God Bless you in your Holiness and love for one another-

Love Always-


Jessica Heilman is an author, wife and mother of 5. She blogs daily on life, family, and her walk with Christ in a modern and Biblically-applicable way. She believes that the Bible is timeless, and that it is THE foundational reading for the 21rst Century in regards to wholehearted living. Her mission daily: to do everything she possibly can to hasten the return of the coming Christ.

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