SO I AM STUCK MARRIED… NOW WHAT?
“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:6
No one wants to be “stuck” doing anything. Especially when the Bible says, “Who the Son sets free is free indeed.” (John 8:36) Living in bondage is definitely not God’s BEST. From what we learned YESTERDAY, God HATES divorce… and that can leave those who are unhappily married and Christian in a quandary.
Frustrating isn’t it? Actually, this subject is applicable for any relationship that you can not seem to get away from. Like with your parents, or co-workers. Sometimes we are in relationships with people who are just plain NEGATIVE. Please try to remember when dealing with these people that the enemy is the one at the root of their behavior, and that they have become conditioned through the events in their lives to think towards negativity. Perhaps their parents were negative, their teachers were not understanding etc. Reminds me of all those negative Nillies in schools who through fear emblazoned into their pupils subconscious minds to never try because after all “trying inevitably means failure!”
WHAT I DID WHEN I WAS “STUCK” MARRIED
As hard as it is to imagine for me today, believe it or not, I used to feel stuck and trapped in my marriage. It was around the 5th year, and I was so exhausted from having babies and laundry and house chores (not to mention living broke), that I had had it! I needed positive reinforcement and FAST and I felt as if I was getting NONE. Jeff was working all the time, and my life was boring and predictable. I had not seen the manifestation of “perfectly” married that I always dreamed of, the Leave it to Beaveresque relationship or the Van Dyke’s, shoot- at that time I would have been happy as The Brady Bunch! (I am still holding out for an Alice of my own)
All we did as a couple was argue and get disappointed with each other. It was like, “God- you and me I get… but me and HIM? UGH!” Admitting my unhappiness would have meant admitting failure. I am NO QUITTER.
In response to this trying time instead of quitting, I decided to call on Jesus and ask Him what I should do. As a kind and loving intercessor, He was kind enough to tell me what to do NEXT.
STEP ONE in God’s PLAN
I made a list of all of my grievances. I decided if I couldn’t change my husband, I would have to change me. Making my list of what I was unhappy with was hard, but necessary… here is an example of what it looked like: (All the things that needed changing or that I wanted to see change)
- I never wake up early
- I don’t do laundry enough
- I am too tired all the time
- I hardly feel like being intimate
- My dishes are never done
- I don’t read enough
I cried about my list! I was unhappy period. I had not been reading the Word, I was disagreeable and I had SO MUCH to change! I was taking responsibility for my half of the marriage and in so doing, I was realizing that maybe my husband wasn’t to blame at all! After I made my list of complaints I decided to rewrite them all and print the list out for me to be able to read:
- I LOVE waking up early!
- I ALWAYS have clean clothes
- I have abounding energy!
- I love my husband and being intimate
- My dishes are always CLEAN
- I love to read!
When the root of your thoughts is the WORD of God, you can do AMAZING things because the Bible says: In Him ALL things are possible!
- I LOVE waking up early! Because the Bible says: “I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.” Psalm 119:147
- I ALWAYS have clean clothes! Because the Bible says: “She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.” Proverbs 31:22
- I have abounding energy! Because the Bible says: “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
- I love my husband and being intimate! Because the Bible says: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2
- My dishes are always CLEAN! Because the Bible says: “train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home” Titus 2:4
- I love to read! Because the Bible says: “In all your getting get UNDERSTANDING” Proverbs 4:7
IT IS NOT ENOUGH
It is not enough to just regurgitate information for change. YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Do you still remember the quadratic formula, all the periodic elements or your multiplication tables to 20? If you do, you had a teacher that was focused on treating the foundation of math like the Bible, if you didn’t – it is because you only remembered the information long enough to be able to “get a good grade” and then plum forgot it ALL. When we retrain our minds the Biblical way, GOD’S WORD IS THE WORD… PERIOD! WE DON’T FORGET IT UNLESS WE STOP GROWING!
It wasn’t enough for me to just read these new thoughts once in a while. I had to read them ALL the time! I printed a copy of my list to keep in my pocket, I printed copies and hung them in the bedroom and in the bathroom on the wall. I even put them on the fridge. Too embarrassing? Too drastic you say? I say WHY NOT! I DID NOT WANT TO BE STUCK ANYMORE!
I decided to STORM the Kingdom and take back from the devil what he STOLE from me! Happiness!
I didn’t work on changing my habits or doing anything special. I didn’t write in my Franklin Planner “MAKE BED, DO DISHES”, I just disciplined myself to read my list daily, several times a day. As I walked out the door, as I cooked – there were my prompters and scriptures staring me IN MY FACE. It was remarkable how quickly my habits, thoughts, and marriage changed! (Hab 2:2 comes to mind, “Then the LORD replied: “And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.” ESV)
I chose to treat my marriage as forever, and made the decision that LOVING was better than being STUCK
IMAGINE BEING A HUSBAND
Imagine being a husband who comes home to a clean house every night, and a well made meal. Imagine that the children are all clean and respectful, and that your wife loves to be around you. She steals kisses and hugs, and in every action and reaction is positive and encouraging. How long would you as a husband resist such a wife? “Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.” Proverbs 21:9
My husband didn’t know what hit our house! He was in a wake of a Holy Ghost transformed wife, home and marriage. Everyday became like our honeymoon again, and we began celebrating our relationship daily! I was not the only one who benefitted from my lists all over the house, my husband read them and began programming his mind too. He soon made his own list and had scriptures that supported success, financial prosperity, and leadership. One of his favorites is “The blessing of the Lord it maketh rich, and He adds no sorrow unto it.” Proverbs 10:22
The key to being happily married is working on yourself and not trying to change your partner. Your partner is YOUR BEST FRIEND, give them room to grow and always encourage them to be their best selves possible. Tomorrow we are going to cover: The ABC’s of Getting on the Same Page With Your Spouse!
I pray you are enjoying this series! God wants you to have the BEST MARRIAGE NOW!