Too Scared to “Stay-at-Home” ?

Q. Jessica, I work full time right now, and I know my future husband is going to want me to stay home and raise our kids. This pretty much scares the heck out of me, I have always had to take care if myself… What do I do?

A. Men and women who have independent spirits, don’t stay single long! It is as if as soon as you “get it all together”, someone comes into your life and you have to now learn how to do things in a whole new way. You became a magnet of attraction! Now, what you used to cook will more than likely change, what you used to do for fun will change, and how you spent your money… that will change too! So how do you transition from being completely independent and on your own… to having to trust and lean to for all, including finances? Understand that trusting your future husband for your finances, is no different than trusting God with your finances. If your husband desires to provide financially for you- let him!

“If you go against your husbands wishes and work anyway, he will have no reason to win. He has to be his desire, though.”

When Mine is Yours and Yours is Mine

The hardest thing for most couples to understand is that even though a “stay-at-home” mom is not technically working, she is in fact working the hardest job one can work. She is completely demanded upon emotionally all day long by her kids, physically by her house, and mentally by her husband (yes, a wife thinks perhaps minute by minute about meeting her husbands needs, and this takes up a lot of brain-power!).

If you were to sum up all of these stay-at-home activities into a “job title”, I suppose your stay-at-home wife could be considered a Personal Admin who operates also as the House Chef, Nanny, House Maid, Chauffeur, and Family Psychiatrist! All of these “professions” are extremely expensive, and all of them are now wrapped up into one… the stay-at-home mom!

What all must understand is that as women choose to become stay-at-home mothers and decide to begin living by faith on one income, even though they are not getting paid, they are working! They are working hard! Their husband would not be able to do what they do, in their job, to any degree of success without their wives. Unless they were paying out hundreds of thousands of dollars a year! The “stay-at-home” mom is THAT valuable!

The income then, becomes a “household” income. Belonging just as much to the at-home-Momma, as the working Papa. Through her efforts at organizing the family and running a smooth ship, she is earning income by way of saving the family money, and increasing her husbands self-worth. In this model the two have become functioning as a team now, and as long as that team learns to work together, that one income will begin to grow. Men who are happy, and confident in their home lives, earn more income.

“According to a recent NYTimes article, families where the mom’s stay home earn 25% more than families which have mom working.”

Let’s Do the Mom Math

The Working Mom Model Costs:

  • The going Day Care rate for California in 2007 was $230 a wk. If you had two children, it would have cost(with a 60$ discount) $400 a week- in 2007! Add to that inflation, and you have a weekly rate of around 420$ a wk. that is 1,890.00$ a month for two kiddos.
  • The cost of dry cleaning women’s work clothes, is around 100-200$ a month
  • A car payment on a second car (if you go in debt), is around 200-400$ depending on credit
  • Insurance for a second car is typically $60
  • If your child is in school, you will have to pay for after-school care
  • Eating dinner out, from being too tired to cook, you can expect at least $50 a week, that is an additional $200 a month
  • Lunch out, from being too tired to take lunch to work, is approx. an additional $50 a week, add another $200
  • Morning Coffee and Lattes can run you at least $3 a day, add another $21 a week
  • Buying higher priced quick and “ready to eat” meals at the store, add an additional $200 a month
  • Working woman’s wardrobe (including shoes and panty hose), let’s average it out over the year to $75 a month

The total sum to all of these expenditures is $3,146.00, this is the estimated monthly cost for a mother who has two kids to work, in the State of California in 2010.

The Stay-at-home Mom Model Costs:

  • $0 for day-care
  • $0 for dry cleaning (Sunday dress maybe $15 a month)
  • $0 for a second car, if you do not have a second car
  • There are no necessary after-school care costs
  • $0 for insurance on a second car
  • $0 on dinner Out
  • $0 on lunch Out
  • $0 on morning Coffee
  • $0 on processed food, mom can buy food and make it all
  • $0 on work clothes

The total cost to the family in a “stay-at-home” atmosphere is $0, unless of course you count the $15 in dry cleaning for Sunday clothes, then it costs you $15.

“Letting go, and trusting your husband for your finances is no different than having to learn how to trust God with your finances.”

It Makes Sense

Not only does staying at home and raising your children make since financially, it makes sense Biblically. There are many scriptures in the Word of God that support children being raised by their own parents, including their mothers. For instance: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22: 6

Also, for more understanding, you can read the entire chapter of Titus 2, to learn the portrait of a Christian wife. “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD” Proverbs 18:22

Letting go, and trusting your husband for your finances, is no different than having to learn how to trust God with your finances. Ultimately, each meal we eat, each set of clothing we purchase, and each home we have lived in… has all been supplied by Him in direct response to our work and our belief. When we press into Him, He reveals to us how to receive favor and how exactly we can do the jobs that we do. Don’t worry friend,  a “stay-at-home” mom focused on serving others in Christ, earns her “income” in a different way… she earns a successful family in return for all her hard work!

Today’s Key Takeaways:

  • Stay-at-home moms work hard!
  • It costs over $3000.00 dollars a month for a mom to work
  • It costs very little for moms to stay home and raise their children
  • If you can not trust God for your finances, you will not be able to trust your future husband with them. Learn how to trust God with your finances.

What Can You Do?

Begin trusting God for your finances. Read His Word and let Him lead you to what to do next to pay your bills, and get on track financially. Stay clear of debt, and refuse to buy things that would put your account in danger. Don’t write bad checks, and don’t expect money to fall from the sky. God loves you, and in His loving you, He shows you through wisdom and understanding how to follow Him, and let Him take care of you. There is no “My Way” in “God’s Way” of doing things.

Father God, be with my brothers and sisters, show them the value of  raising their own children. Ultimately, I know that you have called us into the family business, for those of us that can both raise our children together we say THANKS! For those of us that have a hard working husband, who supports us with our children, we say THANKS! For those of us who are working towards the ability to have the faith to stay at home and raise our children, we say THANKS! Thank You Father for your Word and Your wisdom to show us how we can begin to trust You for our finances. In Your Son Jesus’ Name AMEN!

God Bless you My friends,

Love Always,


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