The WAR From Boy to Man: Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

I suppose that you could call me a Christian Observational Journalist. Always looking for my next topic and next story, I was observing the other day men and the difficult battle that they endure- silly one moment, serious the next. As if stuck in a split personality most men have a 60/40 boy to man ratio and this morning I woke up thinking, what is this- where does this come from?

A Farmer Boys List of Responsibilities (during the school year)

  • Rise while it is still dark
  • Milk cows
  • Collect eggs
  • Stack hay for the day and feed the animals
  • Eat breakfast
  • Walk/bus to school
  • Come home
  • Fix and maintain broken fences/equipment
  • Milk cows
  • Eat dinner
  • Bed

Internet Farmers List of Responsibilities by Chris Brogan

  • Get your blog post up. Make it helpful, worthy of comments, and unique.
  • Comment on other people’s blog posts.
  • Share other people’s blog posts.
  • Comment back to people who’ve commented on your blog.
  • Read something not related to your market.
  • Connect with five people not in your vertical or your geography.
  • Reconnect with people who matter. Drop an email or call. Don’t ask for anything.
  • Look at the map of where you think things are going for your business. Anything change?
  • Read the “weather” from the blogs you follow. Anything there?
  • Think about what seeds you might plant for future projects.
  • Share at the farmer’s market your best yields.

Is there any wonder why our men are dying prematurely?

The Modern Man

How does the “Modern Man” learn these tools of the trade… responsibility, commitment, hard work, stick-to-it-iv-ness? The “modern” woman’s roles have changed very little.  From small girls, girls are raised to be mommies and in relationships. Their toys are dolls, their playtime is maternal and they grow up watching Princesses marry Princes. Boys read books about planes, trains, automobiles, animals, dinosaurs. It is almost as if it is a general free-for-all in the roles for men that they can heck, be/think WHATEVER they want. Hitler was famous for saying, “What luck for rulers, that men do not think.”

My husband Jeff and I were in conversation the other day with a business owner from Vietnam. In his 50’s, he had said that his father had 10 children. They were raised very poor and so in turn his father told his 10 kids, “I need three lawyers, three doctors, three engineers and an accountant.” Guess what? That is what that father got! The man we were talking to had become an engineer, and he hated it. Of course, up until he was 50 years old he worked as an engineer- sold his company and was rich enough now to start a business doing something he finally loved.

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

Paula Cole wrote a song in the 90’s singing a pleading ballad of “Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie son? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone? Where have all the cowboy’s gone?” It is in my observation, that the cowboys are all still here- they are just at war, at war with themselves.

Have you ever really looked in the eyes of a man that grew up with little or no responsibilities? Looking into their eyes, you can see this desperate need for approval. Constantly hunting, pecking and demanding for a sense of self esteem and acknowledgement that would have occurred naturally as a foundation built during the exercise of responsibilities . We can not blame our men for this, but we can better understand it.

University of Chicago economist Steven Levitt and New York Times journalist Stephen J. Dubner in 2005 came out with a most controversial book called Freakonomics. While I have never read the book, I have seen some interviews with the men and their theories. (Often considered provencal at best) They have determined to study the after effects of certain changes in economic climate and policies. In their second book Superfreakonomics Levitt and Dubner shed some light on the role that the feminism of the 60/70’s played for the dissipation of the modern American man:

Dubner and Levitt argue first, that the feminist movement has been bad for schoolchildren, as schools have been hurt by the “brain drain” of talented women leaving teaching for more lucrative careers. And they then argue that in some ways this has been very good for high-end prostitutes.

“Prostitution is one of the few — if not the only — sector of the labor force that’s dominated by women, and always has been. And that arises from the very simple fact that, you know, there are a lot of men who want to have a lot of sex more than they are able to get for free,” said Dubner.

Before World War II, if a young man wanted sex, he had two basic options: marriage or a brothel. So in the 1930s, one in five American men lost his virginity to a prostitute.

A profitable sector for hookers — until the sexual liberation movement in the 1960s changed the business of intimacy, and a generation of “free love” altered the marketplace forever. The modesty traditionally displayed by women in search of Mr. Right evolved to a bold pursuit of Mr. Right Now. And an era of casual sex — prostitution’s direct rival — was conceived.

“The reason the relative price has fallen so much is because there is competition from women who will have sex for free,” said Dubner. You can read this complete article @ abcnews

Where is The Bible in All of This?

That is a great question. In 1962 prayer and Bible readings (in the form of the Lord’s prayer) was officially taken out of the public school system: The U. S. Supreme Court issued two bans. One in 1962 and the second in 1963. Both bans were the result of lawsuits against the teaching of religion and religious practices in public schools. Basically stating that organized prayer in schools was a violation of the separation of church and state. It was decided that publicly funded schools were an extension of the state, and that organized prayer or bible readings were a form of proselytizing. The bans not only banned mandatory prayer in schools but also banned the daily reading of bible passages.

And yet, in Scripture we read:

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

There is a battle upon men, the kind of battle that we (as women raised with dolls, mini-kitchens, and Barbies) will never completely be able to understand. If there is no “way” for a child to be trained to go… what happens to that child?

Are We Underestimating the Abilities of our Boys?

King David not only slew Goliath when he was a young man (in his early twenties-if not younger), before he killed Goliath he had killed the bear, the lion and shepherded his fathers sheep as the youngest of his fathers eight sons.

Moses was 40 years old when he killed the Egyptian and left Egypt. He had to leave his palace home in order to live in the wilderness before he could hear the Word of the Lord and return to set his people free. For 40 years Moses had been taught and programmed by the government growing up as a boy in Pharaoh’s house in one way, and by his mother (while nursemaid) to the truth. He saw the laborious tasks of his people and felt compassion. I believe that he needed to leave the comforts of the palace in order to become a truly effective leader.

Jesus, son of Joseph, Son of God. Jesus we find at 13 years old teaching in the synagogue. When Mary lost Him at the temple, and returned to Him in anxiety- He merely said to her, “Don’t you know I am about my Father’s business?” Jesus’ ministry was raised and He was crucified all in his early thirties. He is known not only as The King of King’s and Lord of Lord’s but a MAN’S MAN.

King Josiah. “Josiah was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem thirty-one years. He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD and walked in the ways of his father David, not turning aside to the right or to the left.In the eighth year of his reign (16 years old), while he was still young, he began to seek the God of his father David. In his twelfth year he began to purge Judah and Jerusalem of high places, Asherah poles, carved idols and cast images. Under his direction the altars of the Baals were torn down; he cut to pieces the incense altars that were above them, and smashed the Asherah poles, the idols and the images. These he broke to pieces and scattered over the graves of those who had sacrificed to them. He burned the bones of the priests on their altars, and so he purged Judah and Jerusalem. In the towns of Manasseh, Ephraim and Simeon, as far as Naphtali, and in the ruins around them he tore down the altars and the Asherah poles and crushed the idols to powder and cut to pieces all the incense altars throughout Israel. Then he went back to Jerusalem.” 2 Chronicles 34

In Conclusion

Men were created first. Women were created to be help meets and mothers. Women are beautiful and wonderfully nurturing where men are dominant and empowered by the heart of the Lord that saw first to create them. Are we as a society underestimating men/boys? YES. If you have a boy, raise that boy to learn about the heart of a man, the heart of Christ. Raise them in confidence of their resolve, in the ability to execute deliberate plans, in prayer and submission to their Heavenly Father, and of course in strength, might and courage. Boys become men, and if it is your desire to see your son be a leader in the 21/22nd Centuries- they will need to know by you that you support them in their manhood 110%.

What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at Thank you for your support!


Welcome to 2011,  A Year of “Creative Newness!”

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