The five love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affrimation, quality time, & acts of service.

Just the other day a reader wrote into our website:

“What do you do with verbally aggressive child? My 6 year old is aggressive in one situation only: when we are in a play group and other child takes his toys. His response is to yell, stomp, make mean faces, and berate the young child. Usually the advice I get is ‘well, you must be modeling it’ or he’s learning from his older brother or father. Please believe he is not. He has never hit or hit back in my presence or teachers or in the 5 years of full daycare, but the anger is bad enough and many people who’ve never met him before assume he will…I’ve seem many worried parents move their kids away from him/distract their kids from him after (and I think that could be his motivation)…” (Summarized, original post here)

Here was my response:

“Well… it definitely sounds as if you have a situation that needs resolving! Having 5 boys of my own, I have learned that when they act out inappropriately it tends to be as a result from one of two actions. #1 Is the child getting their love tank filled? Dr. Gary Chapman, has written the most WONDERFUL book called “The Five Love Languages For Children”. In his book he says that the five love languages are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Gifts, and Acts of Service. These five ways of communicating love with one another can drastically affect relationships and behavior. Perhaps your son isn’t getting the quality (not quantity) time he needs to feel loved. (Think story time, coloring, ice-cream… one-on-one, especially if there is a baby around.) Maybe you have been tired and haven’t been telling him “I’m proud of you, or I Love YOU”… etc. etc. Each love language has a corresponding action that you can begin to implement in your day to fill that little boys heart with love to overflowing. Just start speaking to him in a love that he can understand. :) #2 The child as a BOY could need more responsibility or more exersise. I have two sons that when one starts acting out I send him for a run around the block! He comes back tired and happier. The other son when he is being cranky needs work to do. Perhaps your son could help at school/daycare clean up the room or be given a position in the class to help lead the littler children in activities. Boys need work, love, exersice and to be helpful. God Bless you friend!”


Your little one has a “love tank” like a gas tank! If it gets down to ’empty’ they won’t be acting like themselves! What they need is a good dose of love in the way you speak to them. Your spouse has a love tank too! Today I would suggest taking your loved ones out for a walk, speaking that you love them, giving them a hug, spending time with them and doing something nice. You might be surprised at what changes well spoken love can make! Please watch Jessica’s live answer to her reader here via this youTube link: “The Problem Child” The Word Works! Episode 2: Season 2

Here are other marriage and family articles on “The Five Love Languages”:

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