Single and Searching? Search No More!

Q. Jessica, I WANT to get married, do I need to go and “find” a spouse, or does God have one already picked out for me?

A. While it might seem to look like from the outside that people who are happily married where at one time, in “The right place at the right time”, it is more accurate to say that they were, “The right people at the right time.” Marriages that last throughout the ages, are marriages in which a tremendous amount of personal growth and development has taken place and the single individuals became the right people for their future spouse- before their spouse was even on the horizon.

“If I put all the men that I ever THOUGHT I loved in a line up… oh Lord! What a scary thought!”

An Unmarried Woman, An Insatiable Desire, and a Savior

In the book of John, there is a woman that Jesus comes in contact with that has had five husbands, and was currently living with a man who was not her husband. He challenges her on this issue, and expresses to her that she has been using relationships in order to fill a void that only faith in God could fill. Shocked, at his understanding of her situation, she wonders “How is it that this ‘Jew’ cares enough to even speak to me, let alone offer me salvation?” After they talk, it is revealed to her that the man in which she is speaking to is in fact “the Messiah” and it is due to this fact, that He has given her what no husband ever could rest in her soul, and a fulfilled peace of mind. He reveals to her, in their conversation that she does not need anyone human being in her life, all she needs is God Alone. (Read John 4:1-26)

“God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:24

Having an insatiable desire to be provided for and “secure”, is something that every human being at one time will have. Whether you are a child, in need of a parent, or an adult in need of mentoring, we as human beings constantly tend to look toward others for guidance and approval. Seeking out guidance and approval is natural, however living to please man is not. Single, or married, we are all called to put the things of God and pleasing Him first place in our lives. We can be bold and confident in our daily dealings, when we know that we have pleased the Father. The problem comes mostly when our desire to please others overrides God’s way of doing things. While we search for peace of mind, we internally get eaten up and consumed, having traded our peace of mind for “temporary security”.

You Can Live Whole With God Alone

No, you don’t need to “find” a spouse. The woman in our story had “found” five husbands! And she still wasn’t satisfied! Jesus said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water (the produce/product of the world) will thirst again,  but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him (the produce/product of the Spirit) will never thirst. The water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

Looking, hunting, and searching for a spouse has hunger, starvation, and thirst written all over it. God did not design you to live this way! God designed you for fellowship with Him, for a purpose and a destiny… and you have only one life to find out what that is and fulfill it! Check your motives for your desire to “be married”, understand that God is all the spouse that you will ever need and that as you seek Him out, He will quench any thirst or desire that you have ever had! There is such a thing as over stimulation and too much of a “good thing”. We DO NOT need relationships based on physical or emotional pleasure, there is no substitute for God’s love in us! No mater what you are going through, unless you are drinking of the produce of the Spirit of God, you are always going to thirst!

Today’s Key Takeaway’s:

  • The woman in John had been searching her entire life for a man to fill her insatiable desire to become spiritually whole, having not been brought up in any faith what-so-ever. In the middle of her sixth committed and sexual relationship, (they were “living” together, she was “married” to the previous five) she had found Jesus. Jesus showed her that her thirst was unquenchable, without faith in a “higher power”. He showed her that it was only going to be through a complete commitment to Him, as her Savior that her soul was ever going to get any rest.
  • Unless you stop searching, you will never become the person that God desires you to be. Have you ever heard, “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me?” Look at the situation that you are in, are you looking for a human being to fill your spiritual need, or has Christ taken over that post in your life? Being stuck in a relationship that has become a pseudo religion, will never amount to much, and is not fair to either parties involved. Your boyfriend or girlfriend, should never become a “God-like” entity in your life. It is a lot of pressure, and relationships built on personal God-head’s have no spiritual foundation and will crumble and fall.

What Can You Do?

Breaking up is hard to do! Before I suggest that anyone “get out” of a relationship, I would suggest that you go to God and recommit your life to Him. In your prayer, let it all out, tell Him everything. A great exercise is to be verbal in your prayer time. In the car, in the closet, or in your bedroom. Don’t just pray in your head, pray to God where you both can hear your out-cries. You see, when you can hear everything audibly, the connectors in your heart and in your mind begin to make sense and show you a clearer picture. How many times have you had a friend come to you and lay out all of their problems, only to hear them say, “Oh wow, thanks I feel better now! Now I know what I need to do!” You didn’t even say anything! You were merely a sounding board! Well, you can be your own sounding board, and with God together the two of you can solve any problems, any situation! Do not be embarrassed or afraid to open your mouth and let it all out, you will be surprised the conclusions you come to!

Father God, give Your children courage to drink from Your well. Give them the peace of mind that they need in order to STOP searching for what You readily have for them. Let them know that the “perfect” person is out there for them… and that person is YOU! You are all the spouse that they will ever need, and as You and Your children begin walking hand in hand, they will become the MOST attractive men and women on this planet! Remind them Father that living a life of pseudo ANYTHING, grace, marriage, commitment, religion, peace- is NO life at all. Encourage them greatly Father to come to You and embrace Your Faith and Your Word and give them the peace that they have always needed and desired! In Your Son Jesus’ name- AMEN!

God Bless you my friends,

Love Always,


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