WHAT… You were BORN single?
I couldn’t think of a BETTER day than “Valentine’s Day” to write How to be Happy Though Single. Lately, in the body of Christ I keep hearing the SAME cry, “I’m SOOOooo LONELY.” How unfortunate, I find myself thinking! (I being a mother of five and wife of a husband/entrepreneur/athlete/public speaker/preacher, who often finds herself hiding out in the bathroom to get a moment of “me time”!) Of course it is in our human nature to all want what we do not have… right? Married most of us yearn for “me” time. Singles always seem to want cacophony! In these times of loneliness and depression, it is in my experience that what we REALLY need to do is to STOP thinking emotionally and START thinking logically.
Grow up, you were BORN single… you can survive and THRIVE being single!
Have you ever stopped to think, in your moments of loneliness… that you were BORN single? YES, you had good ol’mom and pop (maybe), but all in all, you slept in your own bed and brushed your own teeth and CRAZY enough… most of us were well enough adjusted as “single” children. As a matter of fact, most of us “children” had better and more successful friendship relationships than some adults do who are stuck trying to get married!
Now, if you were BORN single, and successfully remained single throughout your childhood… what makes you think you are less capable now as an adult? Did you mentally get younger? What about your grade school years? Did your parents tell you when you were 10, “Hey baby… WHY aren’t you hooked up yet? Common boy, get goin… go get yourself a girlfriend!” NO! Chances are, (if you had caring parents) you were told to “Stay away from boys/girls… there is PLENTY of time for that when you are older!”
So logically speaking…
“Sex is ONLY temporary, but the love that you feel from within you when you accept and receive Christ STAYS with you 24/7!”
The Million Dollar Question… Is your loneliness in your singleness stemmed from desiring FRIENDSHIP… or JUST sex?
If you are like MOST people you have spent the majority of your life (to date) single and NOT in a relationship. If this is the case, and you are single again and finding yourself lonely, I must be bold enough to ask you flat out… do you miss having “friends” (like you did when you were a kid) or do you miss having SEX (that grown-up expression of intimacy that people equate with love and relationships)?
If your loneliness as a “single” is caused by a deep desire to have a meaningful “friendship” then I am here to encourage you today to QUIT hunting and forcing an intimate relationship from a need and desire to be “friends”. Friends can come from ANYWHERE! Any age, any gender, any location. If you are feeling “lonely” invite a girlfriend over for movie night, a sleep over, begin to throw parties… JUST like when you were a kid! Don’t be afraid to become a GREAT friend to others on the off chance you might get hurt. Life hurts sometimes, but the few friends you find that stick with you, are worth the others you may loose along the way. Your single years can be FILLED with friends and fellowship! From senior centers, to nursery schools… there are people everywhere that NEED relationships. DON’T let your overwhelmingly low self-confidence constrict you to just ONE person in hopes that if you are “married” you won’t have to go out and do. There is a lie among humanity that “I am looking for someone who just gets me.” Looking for “THAT ONE” may keep you so blind that you pass by a thousand others that LOVE you just the way you are! I bet you are a lot less “single” than you think!
Q. Are you attracting friends like when you did when you were a kid? Do you have a “bat and a ball” and are you out there asking your friends if they can “play”… or are you hiding behind the hopes that if you find “THE ONE”, you won’t EVER have to get out of your shell?
If your loneliness as a “single” is caused by a deep desire to have “sex” and physical intimacy than I am here to encourage you that ALL the sexual desire in the world CAN BE overcome by the power and through the love of Jesus Christ. Scripture says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24. While your desire to have sexual intimacy as a single may be aroused in you, the Holy Spirit is RIGHT there in you and ready to remind you that Jesus is that friend who sticks CLOSER than a brother. This statement means that ONLY Jesus Christ is capable of being CLOSER to us than the flesh of another human being. ONLY Christ can come in us, and have spiritual intimacy with us… an intimacy most people who just “enjoy” having sex, can NEVER understand. Sex is ONLY temporary, but the love that you feel from within you when you accept and receive Christ STAYS with you 24/7!
Admitting that you have a sexual addiction* is hard. People who have a sexual addiction cannot stop thinking about sex. They LOOK for sources of it via movies, tv, ads, pornography on the computer “for free” (just looking), and it consumes them. What is really going on? There is a hole in their heart and they are vainly trying to fill it will a physical pleasure that makes them “feel” loved. They think that the euphoria that comes from a release of sexual tension is lasting, when in reality it is just FEEDING the flame bigger and bigger… until BOOM! Divorce, destruction, and eternal damnation. “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.” Revelations 21:8 NIV
Having the occasional sexual thought is not being found in sin. Sexual lust and possession of thought comes from our inability to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor 10:15. When that thought of wanting to “do it” has become a stronghold and comes into your unmarried mind, simply cast it down by saying to yourself “God says sex is for marriage, and I love You God MORE than I love sex.” Instead, read the Bible, pray, go to the gym, or take you and Jesus out on a “date” when these moments of trial come. “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor. 10:13
*This type of unhealthy sexual addiction is not only limited to men. If you are a woman and have found yourself addicted to pornographic imagery, self-gratification and overwhelming thoughts of sex, there is a very possible chance that you have contracted through your previous partner/s an unhealthy and lustful spirit that is attempting to KEEP you from the love of Christ via unhealthy sexual desires and practices. JESUS died for you, so you can live FREE from ALL oppression, it is time to forgive your previous lover/s, it is time to cast down all evil imaginations and put aside the longing that you might have for “marriage” JUST to get pregnant, have male approval or sexual gratification. The blood of Jesus has cleansed you and you have been made the righteousness of God! Hallelujah! Be free!
What is your PURPOSE?
THE SECRET to being happy though single, isn’t really a secret at all, it is found in your personal discovery of your PURPOSE in this life. We have covered that if you are lonely for friends, as long as you have Jesus and are friendly… you will never have to be lonely for friendship again! We have also covered the FREEDOM found in Christ for the sexually possessed and oppressed single, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36
If then your loneliness is NOT about friendship, or sex… what is left for you in this life?
- LEARN HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD
- DISCOVER YOUR GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE
- BE WILLING TO SELL-OUT TO CHRIST
1. HEARING FROM GOD
Let us cover this RIGHT away. If you are a Christian… then YES, you too can hear from God! Unless you are waiting around for a burning bush moment- God can speak directly to you! He may choose to use others to speak to you, dreams to reveal things to you, even day visions to show you things to come. God’s voice most often sounds like your own, still and small and from within. Scripture says: “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” John 15:7 KJV
Christ died for us, so that we can now go DIRECTLY to God and communicate with Him as a loving Father does to His child. The only thing you have to “do” in order to be able to hear from God is to repent from the sins of the past and choose to LIVE HOLY. “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 Just as you can not see clearly in a smoke filled room, you will not be able to see or hear from God clearly through a cloud of sin. It is only THROUGH Jesus and His covering that we are found fit enough to speak directly to the Father, this covering is FREELY given to those of us who choose to ask for it. What is the reward for living a holy and Christ covered life? “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give [it] you.” John 16:23 KJV “The LORD [is] far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous.” Proverbs 15:29
2. DISCOVERING YOUR GOD GIVEN PURPOSE
Contrary to popular belief, you cannot be whatever you want when you grow up! You can be free to be EXACTLY what God WANTS you to be when you grow up! The most stressful, frustrated and agitated people are the people who are “stuck” working for money or what they want, instead of working toward their God given revealed passions. With God comes: ZEAL, PASSION and VISION! With the enemy comes: BONDAGE, FEAR and REBELLION. When you are fulfilling your “purpose” in life- to love God and honor Him by submitting to Him YOUR dream for HIS dream for you- you will find yourself HAPPY THOUGH… WELL ANYTHING! Single or not!
3. SELL OUT
Today is the day to SELL OUT, burn your ships, put your hand to the plough and NEVER look back! The saying goes: “If you are willing to stand forever, you WON’T have to stand for long!” We must be like Father Abraham and take WHATEVER it is that could come between us and an intimate relationship with Christ to the altar and be willing to sacrifice it to the Lord. We MUST let the Lord atone us, and we must let His blood cleanse us and wash us free of our sin. Jesus died on the cross for us… THAT IS ENOUGH. We DO NOT need to have sex, have a family, have a marriage, have ANYTHING other than Him! It is only THROUGH a completed understanding that HE is our lover first and foremost, that we will be willing to step into our destiny as HUMAN BEINGS, not just as “singles”. Singles are not meant to be “singled out” they are meant to be full and capable human beings serving and loving their Lord for the life that He gave them, ready and willing to do His will! How do we get from where we are at… to where we DESIRE to be??? WE FLY!
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
You do not need to be ” sick and tired” anymore! If you went to a fancy restaurant and sat down only to notice all of the waiters sitting in a corner, waiting for you to go to them to place your order… how long would you dine there? You would be OUT! When we “wait upon the Lord” for a husband, for a wife, for a family, or even for our success… we are called into action to “wait” on Him like a waiter who serves NOT like a sitter who waits to be served! When you begin to find MORE joy in the Bible and reading the pages within it, than going to the clubs… you really got something special! You won’t have to “wait” for long! However if you want a LIFE-LONG relationship with God your Father… KEEP WAITING on Him regardless!
“My word, which comes from my mouth, is like the rain and snow. It will not come back to me without results. It will accomplish whatever I want and achieve whatever I send it to do.” Isaiah 55:11 GWT
A Prayer for the Saints
Pray this prayer out loud: “Father God, here we are. We desperately want to serve You and know our purpose. Lord, I believe that I no longer have to be lonely again as long as I have You in my heart and I WANT You to fill me, and replace all sinful thoughts and imagery in my mind. I rebuke any and all demonic possession and lustful thinking that I may have had in the past, and Father God I IMPLORE You to purify my heart and make me as white as snow! Father God SHOW me the root to my distresses. Show me whom I must forgive in order to move on in a sin free way. If it was my father, mother, sister, brother, priest, pastor or my exes, Father God I FORGIVE them! Lord I no longer desire to be held captive ANYMORE, and I know that through YOU I am set FREE! Lord, I receive my freedom! And I proclaim that I am made brand new to the Glory and by the blood of Jesus! I am ALL YOURS! I SURRENDER ALL! Use me Lord… USE ME! In your Sons mighty name I pray… AMEN!”
Praise Jesus! If you have just prayed this prayer of salvation or recommitment to Christ YOU ARE FREE! You will find that your desire for the Word of God will become stronger and your taste for all things AGAINST Him will dissipate. You and God are on the same team now! Start focusing your energies on doing the “do’s” and you won’t EVER have to worry about doing the “don’ts” EVER again! You are free to be happy though single! HURRAH!
What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.
You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at wholeheartedministries.com, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at email@example.com. Thank you for your support!