Q. Jessica, I am in a relationship and we are very much in love. However, I am continually having to deal with my loved ones baggage. It is like it is me, him & his entire past! What do I do?
A. How simple life would be if we were all raised in an oblivious and perfect bubble! Alas we were not so whether we are married or not, we all have had, and will continue to have issues to have to deal with. Issues that more or less have made us who we are to-this-day. Learning how to overlook issues that have caused trust issues is hard, but yes, there are some things that you can do to “rise above” the “baggage” and begin to see your future spouse (or spouse), as the BEST person that God intended for them to be.
“Being able to see someone as a King or a Queen, will be impossible, if you continue to choose to only see their failures.”
The World Looks Shady, When You are in the Dark
How many times have you walked inside the house, looked around and noticed that something was wrong. After a minute you chuckle, and realize that you still have your sunglasses on! As soon as you take them off you *sigh* and think, “Ok, now that’s better!” When you walk around with your sunglasses on you are “seeing” things in the dark, the world has not grown dark, but your point of view is.
Jesus covered this in Matthew. As He was ministering to people and speaking in front of the Pharisees He began illustrating to them that it was impossible to see things clearly, as long as they had an obstructed view. The Message Version of the Bible says it this way:
“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.” Matt 7:1-5
When we see people full of baggage, and continue to only see their failures, it will be impossible to see them as God sees them. It will be impossible to see your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse as anything other than FULL of baggage and failure.
“It is always our own baggage that is obstructing our view.”
It Took Me Five Years to be “Happily Married”
For the first five years of marriage Jeff and I struggled in our relationship. We were consistently bickering and fighting. Frankly I had wondered what I had gotten myself into. Having only known each other for three months before we were married, we really had no idea about each other and all, of our previous “baggage” was getting in the way. The hope was there, but the reality was that we both had a tremendous amount of growing to do. It took me five years to stop trying to CHANGE my husband, and to begin focusing only on changing me. As I became happy and fulfilled… I fell more and more in love with my husband, and I can now positively say that I am HAPPILY MARRIED woman!
So what to do, when your spouse is not where you know you need them to be? What do you do when you know that they are hurting, and suffering and carrying the “weight of the world” on their shoulders? Today I am here to encourage you in the understanding, that you can not do anything to make others grow, even your mate. It is like trying to push a wet noodle! It is impossible!
All we can and must do is work on ourselves! It is our own baggage, that causes us to see the worst in others, metaphorically speaking, “It is our own problem with food- that causes us to see the “fat” in others.”
Five Tips to Help You Influence Others into “Loosing Their Baggage”
- Begin to see others in the purest light as possible, by completely forgiving the people in your life that have hurt you. Too many times we judge another person, based on what our parents, teachers, bosses etc, have done to us.
- Encourage yourself, when no one else will. Begin telling yourself, “I am AWESOME, because God is in ME, and God is AWESOME.” As you begin to see yourself created in God’s image, you will begin to see others as God’s children too.
- Post scripture around the house. Take the time to write down your favorite scriptures like, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” Phil 4:13. And hang them on the walls, mirrors, fridge, anywhere you can. As you walk past them, you will read them. The more you see them, the more your mind will begin to be programmed for success and personal victory. (As a side benefit your loved ones will read them too, even subconsciously. Think of them as personal billboards for spiritual prosperity!)
- Read out loud to your spouse, or loved one. Find a book that is spiritually intriguing, perhaps a Biography of a Man or Woman of God that you respect. When you are in the car traveling together, ask if it is ok for you to read aloud. Treat your car like a University of Success!
- Listen to the Word in the home, in the car, while working out, at any time you can! Don’t forget that with Mp3 players, smart phones, and even cassette tapes from the thrift store… audio input is readily available and easily accessible! Through iTunes you can download hundreds of sermons and podcasts of your favorite preachers. Listen to them with your loved ones, and even while you sleep.. they may not indicate that they are listening… but they are!
Today’s Key Takeaways:
- Bombarding our minds with positive propaganda of the Word of God, is the key to dealing with ALL baggage, period. Our own, and others. As others begin to see the change in you they will desire to get what you have got, a life with no baggage.
- At any point in your relationship, you can begin living baggage free, you must turn to God and His Word to learn how this is done.
- Use audio/visual tools and prompters to promote a spiritual success consciousness in your life. Use your TV, Radio, Books, Smart Phone, Pen & paper, 3×5 cards, any and ALL medial to help you deal with the issues “baggage” of life. It will not be long before your thoughts of God’s Word supersede all of the programming of the past!
“Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.” – Robert H. Schuller
Here are some great book suggestions, these are some of the books that I have been blessed to be able to read out loud to my husband (We spend a lot of time driving!) :
Father God, be with Your children today. Love them and help them as they choose to follow after You and seek deliverance of their own baggage. Show them Father God INSTANT relief! Give them the peace that passes all understanding and give them the patience to watch and wait out the next few months of positive change in their families. Encourage them through the process of waiting, that they CAN do it, and that their loved ones WILL see a drastic change, and want to be apart of it! In Your Son Jesus’ name, AMEN!
God Bless you Friends-
Thank you for reading this Whole & Heavenly Series for Singles.
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