LOVING WITH QUALITY TIME
Currently, Jeff and I have one car, but this is not a problem for a person like me who has “Quality Time” as her main love language. We get to spend 45 minutes – 1 hour (each way) more a day driving together to and fro, and I don’t mind at all! Even though this leaves me in the car sometimes, four hours a day! Today, we are talking about Quality Time as a love language, yesterday we spoke on Physical Touch.
She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. Luke 10:39
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Dr. Gary Champan pg 60
“A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Two people sitting in the same room are in close proximity, but they are not necessarily together. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. When a father is sitting on the floor, rolling a ball to his two year old, his attention is not focused on the ball but on his child. For that brief moment, however long it lasts, they are together. If, however, the father is talking on the phone while he rolls the ball, his attention is diluted. Some husbands and wives think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity. They are in the same house at the same time, but they are not together. A husband who is watching sports on television while he talks to his wife is not giving her quality time, because she does not have his full attention.
Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person. The activity in which we are both engaged is incidental. The important thing emotionally is that we are spending focused time with each other. The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness. The important thing about the father rolling the ball to the two year old is not the activity itself, but the emotions that are created between the father and his child.
Similarly, a husband and a wife playing tennis together, if it is genuine quality, will focus not on the game but on the fact that they are spending time together. What happens on the emotional level is what matters. Our spending time together in a common pursuit communicates that we care about each other, that we enjoy being with each other, that we like to do things together.”
WE WORK TOGETHER
Unlike the “Acts of Service” love language, Quality Timers don’t need the work done for them, they like you to do the work with them. For instance, if your wife is doing the dishes and has quality time as her main love language, she won’t want you to do the dishes for her. She will want you to sit in the kitchen with her and chat, or help her dry and put away. She loves your presence, that is enough.
Ladies, if your husband follows you around always asking you what you are doing, or how they can help… chances are they are Quality Timers looking to get filled up with the right kind of love. Do not get irritated, enjoy the attention! Work together!
People who have quality time as their love language are easily engaged. They enjoy not being alone, and they enjoy having attention. I do not need Jeff to sit and focus all his attention on me one hundred percent of the time, but I do need for him to acknowledge me, and focus his attention on me periodically. When he does this he is giving me emotional deposits throughout the day. Some people think that it is strange, but we probably talk on the phone no less than 5-10 times a day, repeatedly chat and email each other (In addition to the car trips). We don’t talk for long, we just “touch base”. This has worked for us for 14 years, and it is critical in our communication. As a matter of fact, we start going through withdraws if we don’t “get our fix” of each other, and if there is a plane flight involved, we call right before take off, and immediately after landing. Quality time has helped me immensely in homeschooling our five children, and it has also helped me to get through periods of little to no income. As long as we are together it is all that matters!
My prayer today would be that you would be able to identify those in your life who need more of you. A quality time person is ‘full’ when they encourage you to go ahead and have a good time with others. A quality time person may also come off as very possessive, but take heart, as soon as you begin sticking to them like glue, they will become filled and you might even like it! Lord, be with my brothers and sitters who are single and desperately need more attention, show them that when they spend quality time with You they will never be lonely again. In your Son Jesus’ name, AMEN!
May God Bless you as you begin to spend more time with each other!
Look forward to reading more love languages in the next few days, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.
The previous notes in this series,
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