TESTIMONY: FEELING AFRAID

BE FREED FROM FEAR, A PERSONAL TESTIMONY

”For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” Job 3:25

This has been a week of great revelation! I started this “HOT Topic” series by the unction of the Holy Spirit in attempt to write on something everyday, and I have quite enjoyed it. Everyday I write a little nugget of the Word and post it to my website sharing what I believe the Lord is urging me to share.

This week, as I was listening to a Pastor speak on fear, he brought back to my attention a scripture in Job that I have heard/read 1000 times. Job in essence says, “The thing that I greatest feared has come upon me.” Job, a man who underwent a tremendous amount of trial recognized before God that he had fear in his life, and that his fear had gotten the best of him. One can look at this book in the Bible and say “WOW, Job really called it, didn’t he?”

Maybe for some of us, it is like when you fear that by the end of the month you are going to run out of money… what usually happens? You run out!

So as the Pastor was preaching, and I was hearing that sermon all over again, I went to that place that very few go I dug deep within to ask myself that question of questions, am I STILL afraid of anything? I mean I am 33 years old, I have five kids and a Ministry and a book soon to be published… is there anything left to be afraid of? The answer surprised me.

 

Me at 16 years old

“YES!”

Whoa! I had actually answered in the positive! The Spirit began to reveal to me that there was one thing that I had been afraid of all my life, that I needed to deal with so that I could move on. What was it, you might ask?

My greatest fear, was and has always been, the fear of being left alone. That may seem strange, but in reality I grew up an only child with two parents who worked, and while my grandmother raised me in part I spent a considerable amount of time playing by myself and alone. I can remember how strange it felt sleeping alone in my room, I had dozens and dozens of stuffed animals, but I always felt lonely. I was always unsettled sleeping. I can remember being in my teens crawling into bed with my parents, or sleeping on their floor of their room. I needed to feel someone else’s presence, in order to get any kind of good nights sleep. Slumber parties were the best, because I got to sleep in my own room with others. As a teen, I even sought the company of others to so that I would always be accompanied. Leading me into relationships that were not on point with the Word. All because, I was afraid to be alone. Now upon writing this I recognize that even into marriage, I can remember the day after my honeymoon waking up to someone else that was going to always be in my bed, as if I would never have to face loneliness again. Still though, whenever Jeff had to travel for business, I always had to sleep with a child, or the dog.

I have earnestly prayed that the Lord would use me to speak whatever He intended to to say to His people, and to use me as He saw fit. This fear however was still present in me, and I began to see how I still had issues of others acceptance, which led to me to be afraid of being left alone. Friendless, hopeless, and unaccepted. This fear had started inhibiting the ability I had to be the voice of The Good News, because frankly the preaching of The Good News sometimes isn’t friendly! However my kind and benevolent Father spoke to me and said, “Time to get over it, this fear of being left alone, it has ruled you too long!”

AMEN!

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deut 31:6

“The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deut 31:8

“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5

A prayer for today,

“Thank you Father for revealing to me that I still had fear in my life. Thank you for showing me that I will never be left alone because You are always with me. I know now that I can boldly speak Your Word to Your people uncompromisingly and not be afraid to speak it. In your Son Jesus name, AMEN.”

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support.He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. 2 Samuel 22:17-20

Be strong, be of Good Courage!

 

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