So Much Has Transpired…

So much has transpired in the last few days since I started reading books- like a dog goes to a bone. How stagnant I had become! I would like to begin today’s message by apologizing to my readers for having “lost” my previous edginess. The kind of edginess that led me before to write of sin, sex, morality, innovation, challenging the norm and making people M A D (but righteously so). It wasn’t that I had grown lukewarm-it was that I had grown “managerial”. YIKES! This Ministry has never been lead by a board- it has been led by the Spirit. Let me tell you-THE SPIRIT IS MOVING and in that moving- there is no room for MANAGEMENT!

So I am BACK. The “crazy-zainy-did-she-just-say-that” me is BACK. IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK!

“Tyler Perry says his career only took off after he was in complete forgiveness to the people who had hurt him”

Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean “I Forgive You”- It Means “I Am No Longer Going to Allow Myself to Be DEFINED By You.”

As I was driving home today from taking Jeff to work I began to think and pray to the Father, “Lord, have I forgiven everyone that every hurt me in my life? Have I forgiven my dad? My Grandparents? My previous boyfriends? Have I forgiven my Aunties/uncles/cousins? Do I harbor un-forgiveness  anywhere?” (This came about after hearing an interview done with Tyler Perry who said his career only took off after he was in complete forgiveness to the people who had hurt him. He had been performing his play for years, (6) before he hit it big. He hit it big after he forgave and in his words was healed “from the inside out”) Sounds familiar- sounds like our ministry work here at WHM. I have quoted myself saying “Our inward transformation determines any and ALL outward manifestation.” Of course, after I heard this coming out of mega-star Perry’s mouth- I wanting to be a good steward-prayed and asked the Lord to show me any areas of “un-forgiveness”.

That is when the Lord “opened up a can” and went to work on me.

The Q & A Started Pouring In (These Are Just a Few)

Why are you a blonde? Cause I was “daddy’s little girl”

Why do you eat meat? Cause Grandpa bought me cheeseburgers

Why don’t you run? Cause my friends decided it was better for me to “walk”

What an odd response to the subject of “forgiveness”. Here I asked God to show me who I needed to forgive and in reality, it wasn’t about me “forgiving” at all. It was God showing me all the areas in my life that I have allowed myself to be influenced by others-He showed me that as long as I was living a life based on what others wanted our desired- I WAS NOT WALKING IN FORGIVENESS. FORGIVENESS=ME BECOMING MORE LIKE HIM AND LESS LIKE THEM.

Why I WAS Blonde

The simple answer: My dad loved my mom who was blonde. I wanted to be loved, like that from my dad.

The complex reality: Being “blonde” is NOT who I am. If it was- I wouldn’t have to spend 100+ dollars a month to “STAY” blonde. I was choosing to be blonde, because it kept me “daddy’s little girl”. God MY GOD and Father- made my hair grow darker as I got older. I LOVE GOD, I WANT TO BE “HIS” LITTLE GIRL.

THE FORGIVENESS SOLUTION: GET YOUR HAIR DONE GIRL! My ultimate “sign” of forgiveness is for me to “go natural”. I am not living in forgiveness as long as I am justifying hundreds of dollars of hair care just-so-i-can-make-my-dad-proud!

Feels so good to be in my own skin!

Why I ATE Meat

The simple answer: My Grandfather loves meat. I love my Grandfather. (starting to get the picture)

The complex reality: I don’t really LIKE meat. I loooove cheese, beans and nuts. I mean, it is ok, but I-don’t-live-for-it like most people. I can remember at 13/14 deciding to become a “vegetarian”. I had not eaten meat for like 3 days, and was very proud of myself. Of course, given my meat-hungry family, I kept my mouth shut. Then there was a day when I was hungry and was with Grandpa out and about, naturally he took me to McDonald’s and bought me a cheeseburger. Naturally, I ate it. (In my defense, I did tell grandpa of my decision to NOT EAT MEAT. He laughed- and bought me the burger anyway)

THE FORGIVENESS SOLUTION: DON’T EAT FOOD IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT! God Lord! How many people are shoving their faces with pumpkin pie RIGHT NOW, just cause Grandma “made it best”. How many people are suffering through dim-sum, or spicy food, or greasy pizza… Just because their boyfriend/girlfriend/family thought it was “THE BOMB”. If this is you- begin walking in forgiveness today, PUT THE PIE … D O W N!

Why I DIDN’T Run … or Exercise At ALL

The simple answer: My friends were “too cool” to run. I wanted to be cool.

The complex reality: I love to go on long walks and I really love RUNNING. When my boyfriend and I were taking P.E. together in Jr. High School, I can remember this overwhelming urge to R U N. I had a ton of pent up anxiety and I wanted to GO. I suggested we “run”. I was laughed at, what was a potential 5 minute mile- turned into an 18 minute walk. I was devastated, and quit running ever since (except for periodically).

THE FORGIVENESS SOLUTION: RUN! WALK! MOVE! My body is too valuable a resource to watch whither away and die, simply because when I was a kid and I wanted to “look cool”. Time to put on some tunes- and get moving!

Just cause Grandma made it, and you loved Grandma- doesn’t mean you need to eat it to show/receive love. Forgive your Mamma and MOVE ON

In Conclusion

If you are STILL doing something- a behavior, a habit, even a job-because of someone else-You have not completely forgiven them. If you drive “just like dad”, curse “just like dad”, smoke “just like dad” or drink “just like dad”… GUESS WHAT?! YOU ARE MORE YOUR DAD THAN YOU ARE YOU! You can SAY “I forgive you” ALL DAY LONG, but until you STOP being like the people who you have had issues with… YOU STILL GOT ISSUES!

My Prayer Today-

Father God be with your children. Encourage them to forgive and MOVE on and be who they DESIRE to be. Today I was reminded that I am a tea-totalling (I remembered I don’t really like booze, and just drank on occasion to be “sophisticated”), vegetable eating, cross-training, brunette. PRAISE THE LORD- IT’S GREAT TO BE ME! Give Your children the strength that they need- to be the people YOU created them to be. This is the year of Creative Newness- praise GOD that the newness I have found is for the FIRST TIME really being ME! FREEDOM! In Your Son Jesus’ name, AMEN!

May God Bless YOU-

Your friend,


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