This blog post taken from our sister website “www.wholeheartart.com“
For me… it happens every night right as I am about to go to bed. Those nagging questions begin to flood in, you know the ones … “Am I doing enough? Did the kids brush their teeth? Should I work more on the calendar? Do I have a coffee date tomorrow? What am I making for dinner? Did I get the laundry done? What’s in the wash? What’s in the dryer? Will I be able to sleep through the night?…” It is almost as if we expect the “Siri” in our brain to answer all of our pestering questions and then go to work on them like a Genie in the lamp, leaving us to wake up refreshed and all our work finished while we sleep.
I have named this “The Conde’mom’nation Hour”. If when our babies were newborns they had “witching hours” – times of day when all they did was cry – I think we moms as we grow older in our parenting seem to develop a condemnation hour – same time every night. Right as we are trying to relax.
How is it we can WORK ALL DAY at doing our best; driving our kids to practice, making dinner, being there for our husbands… and then in an instantall our “good deeds” become forgotten and we are left questioning everything from our hip size to our house size? Honestly, I think it’s because as moms we have decided to become by day total CONTROL FREAKS.
Wow, that was a revelation right there. I normally don’t consider myself a control freak. And have only began thinking in terms of this as I write this post. I have SIX KIDS and everything to me is OUT OF CONTROL, like 99% of the time. I don’t like babies to have dirty faces (which they do), sit in dirty diapers (naturally), and I don’t like them wearing dirty clothes (of course). I don’t like dishes in the sink, or toys all over the floor. We live in 1000 sqft and if a towel is so much as left out in the open – it is as if you moved the couch into the center of the room.
I think the last eight years of living with eight people in a “quaint” space has made me a bit of a control freak. (YES I AM ADMITTING THIS) But is being “clean” controlling? I suppose it is, if I loose focus of myself and instead of cleaning up to serve others, I only clean up to stay busy keeping up appearances and in-turn become some sort of house drill Sergeant. Perhaps the Condemomnation Hour is a direct result of all the micro-controlling decisions I make ALL DAY LONG compiled into a MACRO self-condemnation moment right when I need to relax enough to fall asleep to get the energy I need to be “mom” all over again the next day.
Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE our house – I do not desire to move or uproot our family from the nest we have built. These last eight years have been amazing in the sense of discovering what is most important to our family. Today’s revelation seems to be the last and final piece to the puzzle of what it means to be in this Chapter in my life. The realization that condemnation only comes from two places – myself, and the devil. Yeah, I wrote about the nasty adversary who seeks to destroy. All he wants is for me to feel like a BAD MOMMY, and when I am a control freak all day long and can’t control anything even into the night – I AM A BAD MOMMY. No one should go to bed feeling inadequate! No one should go to bed feeling the pain of condemnation!
WHAT CAN WE DO?
First off we can take a deep breath and realize some stuff is just out of our hands. Not everything is going to get done before bed, sometimes our kids will forget to brush their teeth, sometimes we will too. The Bible says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who love God and are called according to his purpose”. (Romans 8:1) I agree with that – and need to remember that more often. Jesus hasn’t condemned me for my sins… as a mater of fact in Him I won’t even be persecuted for my sins! Is not picking up a pair of undies off the floor an unforgivable sin? NO! So I have no right to treat it as one! Jesus loves me for me, not my spotless floors!
Secondly, we can understand these things are only temporal. As a mater of fact, the longer we work to remain clean and tidy (it’s a constant process) the tidier and cleaner we will get, and the tidier and cleaner we get as we grow – when our own children are up and grown – the tidier and cleaner we will have become. Then that day will come when they have up and moved out, and our houses will always be clean! This too shall pass!
As for tomorrow, I VOW to make tomorrow better. I will try to “control” less and GIVE more. I will go to bed without a bag of condemomnation weighing on my shoulders because I will defer to others some of the daily work, or simply allow it to get done in it’s own time.
Just as babies eventually grow out of their “witching hours” it is time for this mom to grow out of her “condemomnation hours”. Who’s with me?