Ask Jessica CONT.: When Is it Ok to Unapologetically Distance Ourselves from our Accusers?

(This Ask Jessica segment is a continuing Q & A from Feb 24, 2011 What does Jesus expect of us in regards to “turning the other check”?)

“When to walk away?”

Wow thanks Jessica!!

I am always so amazed and appreciative when you respond. The distancing.. I can do that?? Lol!! I thought forgiveness and loving meant I still had to allow them in my life. I tend to think that satan causes division, and since he wants to cause division in relationships I can’t allow this.

I feel I have to hang in there and show them the love of Jesus. It’s very interesting, this is all family, people I love. They have very hurtful outbursts, and so the cycle is that they say things- I cry, I pray, I forgive, and then I allow it to happen all over again! I have been distancing myself from one of them for about six months now, and from the other for about three. I finally called him (my father) yesterday after months of not talking and he called me back and left the most horrible message. I mean called me the worst possible names. So I cried, and then I wanted to call him back and try to make peace with him.

Here I am thinking that it’s never the person, it is satan working through him to cause division- so I can’t let satan win. Does that sound crazy?? It’s very interesting, whenever I am getting close to God it never fails that one of these bi polar people in my life will attack me. It is the strangest thing.

Ok so what I think that I got out of this is that I can forgive, and love from a distance until people are ready to act right. And it’s ok to do this.

Thank you Jessica 🙂 I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed and thanked God for a posting you did or for encouraging words you have said. So thank you 🙂

My sister! I am SO glad we get to continue our conversation!

You know it is really hard sometimes to distance yourself from others that have/have had a major impact in your life. But the foundation MUST always be in the Word and in Love. We have some family for instance, who have chosen to live contrary to the Bible’s teachings as the infallible Word of God. They know where we stand in the Word, and we have both -it pains me to tears- had to distance ourselves entirely. Now this has not come about without MANY MANY conversations and hours of listening, but we are at a “stalemate” and in no uncertain terms am I ever going to allow someone else redefine the Word of God that is true, in order to “just make peace”.

I heard a preacher once preach, “We must all STOP seeing ourselves as the woman with the issue of blood, and START seeing ourselves as the man in the robe!”


This statement wasn’t to say, “You can BE Jesus” (Of course, there is only ONE Jesus)- it was to say that we must stop focusing on our grievances and begin thinking AS Jesus did/does… and I couldn’t agree more! Paul charges us to be imitators of Christ. He says “copy me as I copy Him”.  Sometimes, loving someone MEANS distancing yourselves from them, because in all truth WE ARE the spiritual food that they are eating (they in effect are sucking up and withdrawing from us our anointing), and while we should always be filled to OVERFLOWING (in our prayer time and time with the Father), there comes a point when SUCCEEDING in life does THE MOST GOOD. Maybe you have heard that the “best way to get back at someone else is to succeed anyway?” While I am not a fan of “getting back” at people- I am a BIG fan of allowing to Lord to level the playing field. God operates in this earth through seed time and harvest time, cause AND effect! Sow the seed of love, and then TRUST in the power within the seed to bring God’s Word into fruition- we cannot speed up God’s timing no matter how many times “we turn our cheek.”

Hurting people hurt people… you know that. I once heard a message in which God said to the preacher- “You help people that I wouldn’t even help!” WHOA what a word! Reminds me of this scripture: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.” Matt 7:6

We all must LISTEN to God #1, in what to do, if He tells you to call your accuser and be STRONG, than girl He will equip you to be able to handle it!

If NOT, if the Lord gives you rest to move on, and yet you still attempt to make peace… then sweetie, make sure that you are not just trying to force a reconciliation so that YOU can feel better. It is prideful of us to expect “all of our relationships” to be good ones. I DESIRE all the relationships in my life to be a good ones… but pride would cause me to try and FORCE others to see things my way, just so I could “feel better”.

They Hurt Me, I forgave, I Distanced Myself… NOW WHAT?

PRAY! FAST! Intercede! If you have unapologetically distanced yourself from someone who hurts you and you still desire restitution, ALL that is left is to PRAY AND FAST like crazy! We battle NOT with flesh and blood, and I know for a fact that we can fight a GREATER fight through the spiritual intercession of prayer and faith for another. I daily pray for our accusers, that they would turn to Christ and understand that it is NOT too late, and that they can be happy abiding in God’s Word- despite the choices they have made.

My sister, I like you, really do ACHE that all the relationships in my life be “perfect” and healthy. But that scripture about “taking up our cross” and that “He came not bring peace but to be a sword” really comforts me in the times of making a stand for Him. Can you imagine even John the Baptist (Jesus’ cousin) said, “Is this the one we are looking for- or should we look for another”!!

YOU CAN DO THIS sister, you DO NOT need to continue on the path of receiving abuse into your life, follow God and do whatEVER HE tells you to do… you have been set free*!

In Christ’s Love-

Love Always, Your Friend-


P.S. Our friend responded to this Q & A with:

Thanks Jessica, I think your right I do know what to do. As I am reading your email response, it occurred to me that God is so much bigger than me and their salvation isn’t totally dependent on me– wow!!!! It’s all coming together so clearly.. It’s this thing I have from childhood growing up with an abusive mom and dad, where I always feel responsible for other people wow!! Isn’t it great when something just dawns on you??!! I have been doing that very thing and allowing it into my adult life. Thank you again Jessica 🙂

What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at Thank you for your support!


Please follow and like us:

Comments are closed.