Archives for February2011

Ask Jessica CONT.: When Is it Ok to Unapologetically Distance Ourselves from our Accusers?

(This Ask Jessica segment is a continuing Q & A from Feb 24, 2011 What does Jesus expect of us in regards to “turning the other check”?)

“When to walk away?”

Wow thanks Jessica!!

I am always so amazed and appreciative when you respond. The distancing.. I can do that?? Lol!! I thought forgiveness and loving meant I still had to allow them in my life. I tend to think that satan causes division, and since he wants to cause division in relationships I can’t allow this.

I feel I have to hang in there and show them the love of Jesus. It’s very interesting, this is all family, people I love. They have very hurtful outbursts, and so the cycle is that they say things- I cry, I pray, I forgive, and then I allow it to happen all over again! I have been distancing myself from one of them for about six months now, and from the other for about three. I finally called him (my father) yesterday after months of not talking and he called me back and left the most horrible message. I mean called me the worst possible names. So I cried, and then I wanted to call him back and try to make peace with him.

Here I am thinking that it’s never the person, it is satan working through him to cause division- so I can’t let satan win. Does that sound crazy?? It’s very interesting, whenever I am getting close to God it never fails that one of these bi polar people in my life will attack me. It is the strangest thing.

Ok so what I think that I got out of this is that I can forgive, and love from a distance until people are ready to act right. And it’s ok to do this.

Thank you Jessica ūüôā I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed and thanked God for a posting you did or for encouraging words you have said. So thank you ūüôā

My sister! I am SO glad we get to continue our conversation!

You know it is really hard sometimes to distance yourself from others that have/have had a major impact in your life. But the foundation MUST always be in the Word and in Love. We have some family for instance, who have chosen to live contrary to the Bible’s teachings as the infallible Word of God. They know where we stand in the Word, and we have both -it pains me to tears- had to distance ourselves entirely. Now this has not come about without MANY MANY conversations and hours of listening, but we are at a “stalemate” and in no uncertain terms am I ever going to allow someone else redefine the Word of God that is true, in order to “just make peace”.

I heard a preacher once preach, “We must all STOP seeing ourselves as the woman with the issue of blood, and START seeing ourselves as the man in the robe!”

CAUSE AND EFFECT

This statement wasn’t to say, “You can BE Jesus” (Of course, there is only ONE Jesus)- it was to say that we must stop focusing on our grievances and begin thinking AS Jesus did/does… and¬†I couldn’t agree more! Paul charges us to be imitators of Christ. He says “copy me as I copy Him”.¬† Sometimes, loving someone MEANS distancing yourselves from them, because in all truth WE ARE the spiritual food that they are eating (they in effect are sucking up and withdrawing from us our anointing), and while we should always be filled to OVERFLOWING (in our prayer time and time with the Father), there comes a point when SUCCEEDING in life does THE MOST GOOD.¬†Maybe you have heard that the “best way to get back at someone else is to succeed anyway?” While I am not a fan of “getting back” at people- I am a BIG fan of allowing to Lord to level the playing field. God operates in this earth through seed time and harvest time, cause AND effect! Sow the seed of love, and then TRUST in the power within the seed to bring God’s Word into fruition- we cannot speed up God’s timing no matter how many times “we turn our cheek.”

Hurting people hurt people… you know that. I once heard a message in which God said to the preacher- “You help people that I wouldn’t even help!” WHOA what a word! Reminds me of this scripture: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.” Matt 7:6

We all must LISTEN to God #1, in what to do, if He tells you to call your accuser and be STRONG, than girl He will equip you to be able to handle it!

If NOT, if the Lord gives you rest to move on, and yet you still attempt to make peace… then sweetie, make sure that you are not just trying to force a reconciliation so that YOU can feel better. It is prideful of us to expect “all of our relationships” to be good ones. I DESIRE all the relationships in my life to be a good ones… but pride would cause me to try and FORCE others to see things my way, just so I could “feel better”.

They Hurt Me, I forgave, I Distanced Myself… NOW WHAT?

PRAY! FAST! Intercede! If you have unapologetically distanced yourself from someone who hurts you and you still desire restitution, ALL that is left is to PRAY AND FAST like crazy! We battle NOT with flesh and blood, and I know for a fact that we can fight a GREATER fight through the spiritual intercession of prayer and faith for another. I daily pray for our accusers, that they would turn to Christ and understand that it is NOT too late, and that they can be happy abiding in God’s Word- despite the choices they have made.

My sister, I like you, really do ACHE that all the relationships in my life be “perfect” and healthy. But that scripture about “taking up our cross” and that “He came not bring peace but to be a sword” really comforts me in the times of making a stand for Him. Can you imagine even John the Baptist (Jesus’ cousin) said, “Is this the one we are looking for- or should we look for another”!!

YOU CAN DO THIS sister, you DO NOT need to continue on the path of receiving abuse into your life, follow God and do whatEVER HE tells you to do… you have been set free*!

In Christ’s Love-

Love Always, Your Friend-

Jessica

P.S. Our friend responded to this Q & A with:

Thanks Jessica, I think your right I do know what to do. As I am reading your email response, it occurred to me that God is so much bigger than me and their salvation isn’t totally dependent on me– wow!!!! It’s all coming together so clearly.. It’s this thing I have from childhood growing up with an abusive mom and dad, where I always feel responsible for other people wow!! Isn’t it great when something just dawns on you??!! I have been doing that very thing and allowing it into my adult life. Thank you again Jessica ūüôā


What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at wholeheartedministries.com, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at jessica@wholeheartedministries.com. Thank you for your support!

RETURN TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, WHM HERE

Ask Jessica: What does Jesus expect of us in regards to “turning the other cheek”?

“The word “Unconditional” does not mean that ANYTHING goes! Unconditional means: wholehearted, unqualified, unlimited, unrestricted, unmitigated, unquestioning; complete, total, entire, full, absolute, unequivocal.

NO human can love like this! You do not have to accept a persons sinful life and lies, just to prove u “unconditionally love”- you¬†are displaying tolerance at best and EVENTUALLY tolerance WILL BREAK YOU. –

It is ONLY through God that we can LEARN to Love like this. People fail, people have expectations. Tolerating someone who is negatively impacting you to depression and destruction is NOT unconditionally loving them. Sometimes an unconditional lover has to be strong and STAND UP for the truth!” –¬†Jessica Heilman, via Facebook

“I always seem to interpret the scripture “forgive your brother 77 times” and “turn the other cheek” as allowing hurtful people to remain in my life and continue to love them and look past their hurtful ways.”

Hi Jessica,

I read your post on unconditional love and it really has me thinking, how are we supposed to love others who hurt us? What does Jesus expect of us? Especially those who continue to hurt us or have abusive tendencies? Or those who constantly lie and try to take advantage of others? Where is the line between self respect and self preservation and forgiveness and unconditional love?? I always seem to interpret the scripture “forgive your brother 77 times” and “turn the other cheek” as allowing hurtful people to remain in my life and continue to love them and look past their hurtful ways. But is this really what Jesus meant??

Dear Friend,

Hallelujah! What a great question that you have asked, and what an awesome opportunity for me to be able to share with you my thoughts!

I think that the bottom line in the whole issue is forgiveness vs. tolerance. Forgiving a person is in fact something that we should ALL do. Your question is so good because doesn’t it sometimes seem contradictory of Christ to say, “77 times” to forgive to Peter, but then also to say when spreading the gospel “If a town does not receive you, dust off your sandals and leave?” He also said to the unfruitful fig tree, “May you never bear fruit again!” and immediately the tree withered.

Luke 13:6 & 7 says:

“Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?'”

WHOA! So here we have Jesus telling Peter to seemingly “forgive” forever, but to the disciples and to the fig tree he is saying, “YOU DON’T PRODUCE FRUIT, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, You are not worthy enough to take up the nutrients from even the soil!”

Now, I have learned that the Bible never contradicts itself when you read it as a whole. Peter, became “the rock” after years of being known as “Simon” which means “weed” (A weed wavers in the wind). Peter CONSTANTLY wavered in his emotions, and as a matter of fact you will read in the NT when Peter is weak he is referred to as Simon and vice versa. To the point where Jesus says to Peter in Mark 8:33 “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”

Peter by instinct took offense. It was in his nature, along with his passion and zeal came this dangerous tendency to become offended an be found in an emotionally and unstable state. Like, cutting off the ear of the soldier in Gethsemane and denying Christ! Having Jesus tell Peter of ALL His disciples the importance of forgiveness, was as CRITICAL for Peter- as it was for us… probably MORE so! I suppose it would be like a kid saying to you, “Um mom… is it REALLY that important to eat vegetables?” “YES son, ALWAYS eat your vegetables.”

Forgiveness for the Christian is like water is for the river. Without it, the river could not exist. Do we need to forgive? ABSOLUTELY, do we need to tolerate abuse… ABSOLUTELY NOT.

There is found in the Bible scripture after scripture of men standing up for injustice. From Noah, to Jesus Himself! Jesus didn’t just “turn the cheek” to the devil, He hit Him with the hardest blow… DEATH! Did the devil really think he could “kill” God… HA! Jesus staying alive and playing the “flesh” game and ruling on the earth without having descended first, would have been for him to live in a “tolerated” humanity. The longer He lived in the flesh only, the longer he had to live “under the rule” i.e. the physical limitations of the “ruler of this world” satan! Jesus made a STAND, intolerant of future injustices for ALL of mankind!

TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK

It is my opinion that the “turning the cheek” scripture cannot be read without also reading “Be angry and sin not”. The scripture says BE angry. Read it again… “BE ANGRY and sin not” (Eph 4:26) It is OK to be angry! Many times God acted with righteous and jealous anger. (Christ throwing over the tables in the temple for instance). I once heard Creflo Dollar preach that “Anger is ok, as long as you are angered TOWARD righteousness.” In other words, are you using the “anger” in a productive means to make a change and see a positive result? Or are you getting angry in just in retaliation? We can easily get angry towards righteousness in some things like being ANGRY about the relief efforts in Haiti, or at the devil for attacking us, or at any other harmful injustices to society/family… BE MAD, but don’t try and get even- GET TO WORK!

BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS


“Blessed are the peacemakers” Did you know that the Greek definition of “peacemaker” means “the one who delivers the message of salvation”? Seriously, a peace maker is a person who helps to make peace in the SOULS of men regarding salvation! That is what Jesus was referring to!

I was up late the other night watching The Biggest Looser, and I was thinking about your question as I watched a boxing match between two women. The attacker was like BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!! The woman who needed to loose weight was taking the hits. I noticed that there was really a rhythm and a tappity-tap-tap to the sound of the hits. It was at this moment that I thought about a person (maybe like you), just standing in the ring getting beat on BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!, and I began to wonder is this type of abuse God’s BEST? Are we “fully equipped” (Heb 13:20-21) by God to just sit back and TAKE THE BEAT DOWN? NO GOSH DARNIT!


The devil will take EVERY opportunity to hit YOU, and he will use everyone that he can to beat you OUT of God’s best. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!! What I have learned however, is that it is not about you hitting back in the ring of life, in order to hurt the other person, it is about you preserving the word that you know for yourself to be true!

The word “rebuke” in Hebrew literally means “TO CHANGE YOUR POSITION”, so when the enemy is attacking you and beating you- we MUST put him in his place! We are called to use our God given authority to FORCE him to change his position! He, being the weaker vessel than the Lord God Almighty, by the name of Jesus MUST relent!

He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue. Proverbs 28:3

If you KNOW (for example) that stealing is wrong, how long do you let your “friend” force you to steal? If you KNOW premarital sex is wrong and not God’s best, how long do you hop into bed? Forgiving someone’s negligence of the Word by accepting them and tolerating them, is NOT what Christ has instructed us to do! We must first change OUR position through rebuking and reproofing ourselves, then we must take a stand and rebuke and correct the harmful actions of others.

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW; and A MAN’S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD. “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” Matt 10:34-37

THE WORD FOR “UNAPOLOGETIC DISTANCING”

What I do, in real life application, is practice “Unapologetic Distancing”. If there is someone in my life who constantly tries to abuse the power that they have, to somehow “lord” over and try and control me, they do not get ANY of my precious time. I walk in forgiveness toward them by being available to serve and help them the minute they come back in repentance and are ready and willing to desire a change- if this is the case, I am there with open arms to receive them! But if not? What to do when someone else will not relent? Unapologetic distancing! I do NOT go out of my way for them, and I am NOT sorry about that ONE BIT. At times, I have had to put even close family members through this distancing in protection of the jewels that the Lord has given to me- so that they not be thrown before the swine! “A MAN’S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD”

The question then becomes, are we SOLD OUT to Christ and HIS message enough to let harmful relationships go-even our families? The Word DOES say, “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” As long as we tolerate abuse and captivity (since Christ paid the price to set us free), we are loving the tormentor MORE than the Freedom Giver, and that is no way to live at all! JESUS died we could be made free!!

There are a couple of CLAUSES to Unapologetic Distancing for the Christian, and that is in regards to husbands and wives, and sons and daughters*. NEVER and under NO circumstances is it ok to “write a spouse off” or put ANY kind of distance between the two. It is a spouse’s role to bridge ALL divides and sanctify all unrighteous married behavior through prayers and vigilance and belief in the blood shed on the cross for our redemption. There is a way that a spouse wins back their mate, and it is through self-respect and a DEEP walk with Christ. If the relationship is however NOT bonded by marriage, than Unapologeticly Distancing for the sake of the gospel is what we ALL need to do!

In Christ’s love-

Love Always, Your friend-

Jessica

*If you are having a challenge with abusive children, and or children that abuse themselves… GO GET THEM! Hug them no matter what the age, love them and support them, apologize to them and ask them for their forgiveness. We as parents MUST take responsibility over our children’s choices in their lives- and we MUST be available to them to help them get through our parental negligence. Too many parents write off their children for making “their own bad decisions” when in reality- their decisions ALWAYS come as a result of a parents leading example. This is a PAINFUL process, as we all WANT to be great parents- and think we are the best, but when there is error or harm being manifested in the family- be quick to repent, help and put back the pieces!


What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at wholeheartedministries.com, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at jessica@wholeheartedministries.com. Thank you for your support!

RETURN TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, WHM HERE


How to be Happy Though SINGLE!

WHAT… You were BORN single?

I couldn’t think of a BETTER day than “Valentine’s Day” to write How to be Happy Though Single. Lately, in the body of Christ I keep hearing the SAME cry, “I’m SOOOooo LONELY.” How unfortunate, I find myself thinking! (I being a mother of five and wife of a husband/entrepreneur/athlete/public speaker/preacher, who often finds herself hiding out in the bathroom to get a moment of “me time”!) Of course it is in our human nature to all want what we do not have… right? Married most of us yearn for “me” time. Singles always seem to want cacophony! In these times of loneliness and depression, it is in my experience that what we REALLY need to do is to STOP thinking emotionally and START thinking logically.

Grow up, you were BORN single… you can survive and THRIVE being single!

Have you ever stopped to think, in your moments of loneliness… that you were BORN single? YES, you had good ol’mom and pop (maybe), but all in all, you slept in your own bed and brushed your own teeth and CRAZY enough… most of us were well enough adjusted as “single” children. As a matter of fact, most of us “children” had better and more successful friendship relationships than some adults do who are stuck trying to get married!

Now, if you were BORN single, and successfully remained single throughout your childhood… what makes you think you are less capable now as an adult? Did you mentally get younger? What about your grade school years? Did your parents tell you when you were 10, “Hey baby… WHY aren’t you hooked up yet? Common boy, get goin… go get yourself a girlfriend!” NO! Chances are, (if you had caring parents) you were told to “Stay away from boys/girls… there is PLENTY of time for that when you are older!”

So logically speaking…

  • as a child you were single… (and confident enough to have both boys AND girls as friends)
  • in grade school you remained single, and were steered away from relationships in attempt to draw a greater “focus” on life, studies and “the important” things
  • “Sex is ONLY temporary, but the love that you feel from within you when you accept and receive Christ STAYS with you 24/7!”

    The Million Dollar Question… Is your loneliness in your singleness stemmed from desiring FRIENDSHIP… or JUST sex?

    If you are like MOST people you have spent the majority of your life (to date) single and NOT in a relationship. If this is the case, and you are single again and finding yourself lonely, I must be bold enough to ask you flat out… do you miss having “friends” (like you did when you were a kid) or do you miss having SEX (that grown-up expression of intimacy that people equate with love and relationships)?

    If your loneliness as a “single” is caused by a deep desire to have a meaningful “friendship” then I am here to encourage you today to QUIT hunting and forcing an intimate relationship from a need and desire to be “friends”. Friends can come from ANYWHERE! Any age, any gender, any location. If you are feeling “lonely” invite a girlfriend over for movie night, a sleep over, begin to throw parties… JUST like when you were a kid! Don’t be afraid to become a GREAT friend to others on the off chance you might get hurt. Life hurts sometimes, but the few friends you find that stick with you, are worth the others you may loose along the way.¬†Your single years can be FILLED with friends and fellowship! From senior centers, to nursery schools… there are people everywhere that NEED relationships. DON’T let your overwhelmingly low self-confidence constrict you to just ONE person in hopes that if you are “married” you won’t have to go out and do. There is a lie among humanity that “I am looking for someone who just gets me.” Looking for “THAT ONE” may keep you so blind that you pass by a thousand others that LOVE you just the way you are! I bet you are a lot less “single” than you think!

    Q. Are you attracting friends like when you did when you were a kid? Do you have a “bat and a ball” and are you out there asking your friends if they can “play”… or are you hiding behind the hopes that if you find “THE ONE”, you won’t EVER have to get out of your shell?

    If your loneliness as a “single” is caused by a deep desire to have “sex” and physical intimacy than I am here to encourage you that ALL the sexual desire in the world CAN BE overcome by the power and through the love of Jesus Christ. Scripture says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24. While your desire to have sexual intimacy as a single may be aroused in you, the Holy Spirit is RIGHT there in you and ready to remind you that Jesus is that friend who sticks CLOSER than a brother. This statement means that ONLY Jesus Christ is capable of being CLOSER to us than the flesh of another human being. ONLY Christ can come in us, and have spiritual intimacy with us… an intimacy most people who just “enjoy” having sex, can NEVER understand. Sex is ONLY temporary, but the love that you feel from within you when you accept and receive Christ STAYS with you 24/7!

    Admitting that you have a sexual addiction* is hard. People who have a sexual addiction cannot stop thinking about sex. They LOOK for sources of it via movies, tv, ads, pornography on the computer “for free” (just looking), and it consumes them. What is really going on? There is a hole in their heart and they are vainly trying to fill it will a physical pleasure that makes them “feel” loved. They think that the euphoria that comes from a release of sexual tension is lasting, when in reality it ¬†is just FEEDING the flame bigger and bigger… until BOOM! Divorce, destruction, and eternal damnation. “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.” Revelations 21:8 NIV

    Having the occasional sexual thought is not being found in sin. Sexual lust and possession of thought comes from our inability to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor 10:15. When that thought of wanting to “do it” has become a stronghold and comes into your unmarried mind, simply cast it down by saying to yourself “God says sex is for marriage, and I love You God MORE than I love sex.” Instead, read the Bible, pray, go to the gym, or take you and Jesus out on a “date” when these moments of trial come. “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor. 10:13

    *This type of unhealthy sexual addiction is not only limited to men. If you are a woman and have found yourself addicted to pornographic imagery, self-gratification and overwhelming thoughts of sex, there is a very possible chance that you have contracted through your previous partner/s an unhealthy and lustful spirit that is attempting to KEEP you from the love of Christ via unhealthy sexual desires and practices. JESUS died for you, so you can live FREE from ALL oppression, it is time to forgive your previous lover/s, it is time to cast down all evil imaginations and put aside the longing that you might have for “marriage” JUST to get pregnant, have male approval or sexual gratification. The blood of Jesus has cleansed you and you have been made the righteousness of God! Hallelujah! Be free!

    What is your PURPOSE?

    THE SECRET to being happy though single, isn’t really a secret at all, it is found in your personal discovery of your PURPOSE in this life. We have covered that if you are lonely for friends, as long as you have Jesus and are friendly… you will never have to be lonely for friendship again! We have also covered the FREEDOM found in Christ for the sexually possessed and oppressed single, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

    If then your loneliness is NOT about friendship, or sex… what is left for you in this life?

    1. LEARN HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD
    2. DISCOVER YOUR GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE
    3. BE WILLING TO SELL-OUT TO CHRIST

    1. HEARING FROM GOD

    Let us cover this RIGHT away. If you are a Christian… then YES, you too can hear from God! Unless you are waiting around for a burning bush moment- God can speak directly to you! He may choose to use others to speak to you, dreams to reveal things to you, even day visions to show you things to come. God’s voice most often sounds like your own, still and small and from within. Scripture says: “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” John 15:7 KJV

    Christ died for us, so that we can now go DIRECTLY to God and communicate with Him as a loving Father does to His child. The only thing you have to “do” in order to be able to hear from God is to repent from the sins of the past and choose to LIVE HOLY. “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 Just as you can not see clearly in a smoke filled room, you will not be able to see or hear from God clearly through a cloud of sin. It is only THROUGH Jesus and His covering that we are found fit enough to speak directly to the Father, this covering is FREELY given to those of us who choose to ask for it. What is the reward for living a holy and Christ covered life? “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give [it] you.” John 16:23 KJV “The LORD [is] far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous.” Proverbs 15:29

    2. DISCOVERING YOUR GOD GIVEN PURPOSE

    Contrary to popular belief, you cannot be whatever you want when you grow up! You can be free to be EXACTLY what God WANTS you to be when you grow up! The most stressful, frustrated and agitated people are the people who are “stuck” working for money or what they want, instead of working toward their God given revealed passions. With God comes: ZEAL, PASSION and VISION! With the enemy comes: BONDAGE, FEAR and REBELLION. When you are fulfilling your “purpose” in life- to love God and honor Him by submitting to Him YOUR dream for HIS dream for you- you will find yourself HAPPY THOUGH… WELL ANYTHING! Single or not!

    3. SELL OUT

    Today is the day to SELL OUT, burn your ships, put your hand to the plough and NEVER look back! The saying goes: “If you are willing to stand forever, you WON’T have to stand for long!” We must be like Father Abraham and take WHATEVER it is that could come between us and an intimate relationship with Christ to the altar and be willing to sacrifice it to the Lord. We MUST let the Lord atone us, and we must let His blood cleanse us and wash us free of our sin. Jesus died on the cross for us… THAT IS ENOUGH. We DO NOT need to have sex, have a family, have a marriage, have ANYTHING other than Him! It is only THROUGH a completed understanding that HE is our lover first and foremost, that we will be willing to step into our destiny as HUMAN BEINGS, not just as “singles”. Singles are not meant to be “singled out” they are meant to be full and capable human beings serving and loving their Lord for the life that He gave them, ready and willing to do His will! How do we get from where we are at… to where we DESIRE to be??? WE FLY!

    “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

    You do not need to be ” sick and tired” anymore! If you went to a fancy restaurant and sat down only to notice all of the waiters sitting in a corner, waiting for you to go to them to place your order… how long would you dine there? You would be OUT!¬†When we “wait upon the Lord” for a husband, for a wife, for a family, or even for our success… we are called into action to “wait” on Him like a waiter who serves NOT like a sitter who waits to be served! When you begin to find MORE joy in the Bible and reading the pages within it, than going to the clubs… you really got something special! You won’t have to “wait” for long! However if you want a LIFE-LONG relationship with God your Father… KEEP WAITING on Him regardless!

    “My word, which comes from my mouth, is like the rain and snow. It will not come back to me without results. It will accomplish whatever I want and achieve whatever I send it to do.” Isaiah 55:11 GWT

    A Prayer for the Saints

    Pray this prayer out loud: “Father God, here we are. We desperately want to serve You and know our purpose. Lord, I believe that I no longer have to be lonely again as long as I have You in my heart and I WANT You to fill me, and replace all sinful thoughts and imagery in my mind. I rebuke any and all demonic possession and lustful thinking that I may have had in the past, and Father God I IMPLORE You to purify my heart and make me as white as snow! Father God SHOW me the root to my distresses. Show me whom I must forgive in order to move on in a sin free way. If it was my father, mother, sister, brother, priest, pastor or my exes, Father God I FORGIVE them! Lord I no longer desire to be held captive ANYMORE, and I know that through YOU I am set FREE! Lord, I receive my freedom! And I proclaim that I am made brand new to the Glory and by the blood of Jesus! I am ALL YOURS! I SURRENDER ALL! Use me Lord… USE ME! In your Sons mighty name I pray… AMEN!”

    Praise Jesus! If you have just prayed this prayer of salvation or recommitment to Christ YOU ARE FREE! You will find that your desire for the Word of God will become stronger and your taste for all things AGAINST Him will dissipate. You and God are on the same team now! Start focusing your energies on doing the “do’s” and you won’t EVER have to worry about doing the “don’ts” EVER again! You are free to be happy though single! HURRAH!


    What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

    You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at wholeheartedministries.com, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at jessica@wholeheartedministries.com. Thank you for your support!

    RETURN TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, WHM HERE



    How to be Happy Though Married!

    What is “marriage”… really?

    Men and women everywhere are forgoing traditional marriage for convenience, it is an epidemic really. The question goes from, “When are we getting married?” to “Why should we get married?”. What is “marriage”… really?

    Adam, the First Marriage Counsellor

    Getting down to the basics of marriage, marriage was originally designed by God to be for a man and a woman to have one partner for life, as Adam had Eve.

    “And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.¬†Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen 2:24

    Adam had it figured out, look at his thinking about marriage and the creation of Eve and listen to his words:

    bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh…

    This shows us the level of intimacy between a man and a woman… Q. Do you LOVE your spouse as you LOVE your own body?

    she shall be called Woman…

    “Woman” was named “woman” due to the fact that woman IS created the same as man (in the respect that she is human), except that she has been created with a womb. Thus she is a womb-an… Q. Do you treat your spouse as an equally created partner?

    Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother…

    Notice how Adam is already talking about the future?! There were no “kids” yet, there was no “father and mother” and yet Adam is saying, “This is a GOOD thing, in the future men and women will be joined together and should leave their parents in order to become something GREAT” … Q. Have you left the safety of your parents house in order to live a GREAT life with your spouse?

    shall cleave unto his wife…

    Have you been taking your vows THIS seriously?

    I was always under the impression that “cleaving” meant to “stick” two things together. According to the Oxford Dictionary however the number one definition of “cleave” is: split¬†(a¬†molecule)¬†by¬†breaking¬†a¬†particular¬†chemical bond. WOW! So according to Adam, a husband and wife are called to split from their parents on the molecular level. How is this? Think of a cleaver (knife) cutting something in half, as soon as what is being cut has been cleaved can you EVER put it back together again?NO! The very molecular structure of the thing being cut has changed! It can NEVER be put back the way it was. When a husband and a wife are cleaved from their parents… they are PERMANENTLY divided- and there is NO more going back to being a child again. Adam¬†is showing us the thinking behind marriage. In marriage we are to take our vows to each other as seriously as if our very DNA was cut and split APART from our parents and rejoined together on the same level and with new creation to each OTHER, the two becoming ONE. Q. Have you been taking your vows THIS seriously?

    they shall be one flesh…

    Learning how to be “happy though married” takes understanding the unity, seriousness and finality of marriage. ¬†When you were married, the Lord JOINED the two ¬†of you together.

    “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‚ÄúIs it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?‚Ä̬†And He answered and said to them, ‚ÄúHave you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‚Äėmade them male and female,‚Äô and said, ‚ÄėFor this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh‚Äô? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.‚ÄĚ

    Q. Have you closed the back door yet?

    Happiness in marriage comes when divorce is no longer an alternative

    No one in their right mind initially gets married with the desire to end up divorced. Unfortunately, many men and women have accepted ending up in divorce as an alternative way of living “If things don’t work out, we’ll just get divorced“. Just as a warrior “burns his ships” before going into battle, so as Christians embarking in marriage must learn to refuse divorce as a mean to an end. Scripture says:¬†¬†“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” GOD JOINED the two together on a spiritually molecular level, and if you are a friend to a struggling couple do not attempt to separate their union. This is between them and GOD.

    What would happen in your marriage if “there was no back door”? After five years of marriage, I was feeling rather stuck. I had never accepted divorce as an alternative, but I wasn’t happy either. What to do? It was at this point in my life that I had to receive the identity of wife. As soon as I did that… WHOA! Things started to change! I would venture to say that I had never been completely “married” as long as I rebelled against the reality of my identity as a WIFE. The day I decided to walk, talk, think, act, and serve as a WIFE, I became married in thought- and thus was able to maintain and succeed in “marriage.” Until that day, I was just playing house!

    While we may be legally “married” by law and spiritually “married” through sexual unity a marriage does NOT truly begin, and cannot become a happy one until you¬†become newly identified for the rest of your life as “the married one”. Marriage was designed for a man and a woman who desire to no longer be children in their fathers house, but instead desire to become a life-long spouses excited about entering into the sonship creation process. A man and wife devoted to God have chosen to focus their lives developing future generations that love and desire to serve and spread the message of Christ. If you are not ready to become identified for the rest of your life as spouse… DON’T get married!

    “Happy” Though Married RECAP:

    • Q.¬†Do you LOVE your spouse as you LOVE your own body?

    Understanding that when you “got” married you not only “got” a wife, you got an extension of yourself, may cause you to change the way you do things. From the foods that you buy for the house, to the types of activities that you do outside of the home. Thinking of your spouse as an extension of your own body is a vital key in having and living happy though married. Could I do this activity with my wife?¬†¬†Is this food I am cooking as good for me as it is for him? Would I want my (spouse) to see this? Should I see this?

    • Q.¬†Do you treat your spouse as an equally created partner?

    Galatians 3:28 says: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Scripture also calls us “Co-laborers” in Christ. Does this apply to both men and women absolutely! What we must understand however, that while we Christians operate free from the curse that fell on Adam and Eve (read Gal 3;13), the world still operates under sin until delivered in the final battle by Christ. As long as there is sin and death in this world- there will be a curse in operation against both men and women.

    To the woman he said,

    “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
    with painful labor you will give birth to children.
    Your desire will be for your husband,
    and he will rule over you.‚ÄĚ Genesis 3:16

    Until women receive Christ, they are subject to being ruled by men as the curse so clearly states. However both men and women have been made free from this curse through Christ. I would encourage husbands to understand that while they are equally created and in unity with their wives, they must understand that their wives are the weaker vessel in marriage due to the fact that their free wives are forced to operate in a cursed, oppressed and sin ridden world!

    “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter 3:17

    • Q.¬†Have you left the safety of your parents house in order to live a GREAT life with your spouse?

    We are not really married as long as we keep running home to mommy and daddy to solve our problems. Getting financial assistance, emotional assistance, and codling of any kind from our parents negates the marriage union. A husband and wive need to be able to live on their own and together. When is there an exception to this rule? In my experience, and in my opinion, during short periods of relocation only. It is in these periods of relocation that ALL parties should participate in the attempt to get the couple out and on their own. In Jewish tradition a man or woman is not considered an “adult” until 30 years of age, and until they are completely able to take care of themselves. What would happen in America if the age of adult was changed from 18 to 30!! How would the establishment of society be affected?!

    • Q.¬†Have you been taking your vows seriously?

    Taking your vows as serious as having a redefined identity is paramount in having a happy marriage. People used to say, “They made their bed and now they have to lie in it”. Is true. We MUST begin taking responsibility for our home and our marriages, if we are going to be happy though married. Once we accept our decisions and have a new identity we can choose to make the BEST out of any situation. Will it be painful? YES. Will it be “hard”? YES. Will it involve growing up… DEFINITELY! But put Christ at the center… and ALL things are possible!

    • Q.¬†Have you closed the back door yet?

    As long as divorce is an option, you have not assumed the identity of “married for life”. As long as there is a back door for you, you have not SOLD OUT to being married. If you have not sold out to being married, you have not sold out to God. Scripture says, “We can love ONLY because God first loved us.” I propose to you today, “We can only understand commitment because God first committed to us.” In other words, if you cannot commit yourself FULLY to God, you cannot begin to understand commitment to a person in the flesh and full of faults.

    There is NO Sex without marriage

    Sex was designed specifically and ONLY for marriage. As soon as you decide to engage in sex, your physical bodies and their design through the shedding of blood is a blood covenant between a man and a woman. Sex solidifies the marriage union, and it shows through bloodshed the severity of that relationship to God. You will never forget your first sexual partner because spiritually speaking you were married to them. It was both as memorable for its discomfort in the flesh as it was memorable in the spirit for the covenant marriage mark placed upon the spirit and soul of the man and woman united. Consider this scripture:

    Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 1 Cor 6:16

    There is redemption and absolution for those who believe in Christ

    What hope is there then for the previously divorced, promiscuous, self-loving, flagrant and or lascivious man or woman who did not know Christ? ABSOLUTION! Through Christ our redeemer we have been set free from sin and have been given the victory! I love this scripture interpretation in The Message Bible:

    ‚ÄúChrist arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn‚Äôt, and doesn‚Äôt, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn‚Äôt been so weak, we wouldn‚Äôt have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.‚ÄĚ Romans 5:8

    Christ DIED for the sinner! We were of no use to Him whatsoever. There was NO glory in us, NO righteousness or honor. We were like monkey’s in a show, doing a dance and getting nowhere. However when Christ came on the scene, he set us ALL FREE! We now and forever more do not need to be identified as divorced, fornicators, homosexual…etc. Those of us who are IN CHRIST have been made new creations and are new in identity… CHRISTIAN! Followers of Christ!

    “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Cor 5:17

    In Conclusion

    God bless you my friends as you choose to be happy though married. Marriage is AWESOME! Everyday, my husband and I communicate in order to make sure we are on the same page. First with God, second with each other. We look to each other as extensions of ourselves, and serve one another as if we were partners for life which we ARE. In all honesty, I was not committed to God before I turned my heart to Him, and in so doing I was married “spiritually” to other men. I can speak personally to the redemptive power of Christ because EVEN THOUGH I was once unfaithful to the Lord by living a sinful life, as soon as I submitted myself to the Lord and committed ONLY to Him… my Prince Charming arrived, his name is Jeff, he is my HUSBAND and I am his WIFE and together we are married for life!


    What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

    You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at wholeheartedministries.com, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at jessica@wholeheartedministries.com. Thank you for your support!

    RETURN TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, WHM HERE



    How to be Happy Though…

    Mr. Peter J. Daniels

    A few years back, my husband Jeff and I had the opportunity to hear an amazing Christian business man speak. His name was Peter J Daniels.

    “Daniels came from a disadvantaged background and was challenged with illiteracy in his early years. His family was third generation welfare recipients, he has two alcoholic brothers, 4 fathers and 2 mothers. Many of his relatives have been in jail. He failed at every grade in school and became a bricklayer. At 26 years of age he was hopelessly in debt, and attended a¬†Billy Graham Crusade on May 25, 1959. He attributes his life change and subsequent success to that meeting.

    After reading 6,000 biographies, Daniels went into business three times, failing each time, but avoiding bankruptcy. He subsequently managed to build a large real estate business in Australia and South East Asia and serves as a director and chairman on a range of international boards.”

    Daniels has authored thirteen¬†books,¬†including¬†How to Reach Your Life Goals and¬†How to be Happy Though Rich. Jeff and I have always chuckled at the title “How to be Happy Though Rich”, not quite sure why. Perhaps it was the funny thought… after all isn’t EVERYONE happy when rich? Maybe it was for its seemingly redundant statement, or maybe it was due to the grammar only that we tended to snicker. Regardless, it was a great and honest book, and know anytime we hear someone mention being “Happy” or “Rich” we always think about Mr. Daniels, his Australian accent and this book.

    How to be Happy Though…

    This week I am feeling inspired to workout these areas in our Ministry here at WHM and develop for the next few days a “How to be Happy Though…” series, in honor of Mr. Daniels. You can look forward to these upcoming daily posts, you may want to share them with your friends!

    • How to be Happy Though… SINGLE
    • How to be Happy Though… MARRIED
    • How to be Happy Though… a PARENT
    • How to be Happy Though… an Employee
    • How to be Happy Though… Unemployed
    • How to be Happy Though… Y O U

    He is faithful!

    How to be Happy Though Preaching the Gospel…

    As an observationalist, author, teacher, minister, mother, wife, daughter, preacher-girl… I have had to learn how to be happy though preaching the gospel. It is not an easy profession by any means… and it doesn’t pay a dime! (Spiritually yes, and by other means yes… but not dollar-for-hour, of course). So HOW THEN, can you be “HAPPY” even though you maintain a staunch resolve to “Go into ALL the world and preach the gospel to the poor”? By watching believers get results! AMEN! There is NO BETTER payment for me, than to see or hear of a friend that I have helped, move on and do GREAT things with their lives! It makes it ALL worth it!

    I can also be “HAPPY” because I know that I am doing the Lord’s work, and He is faithful! I have NEVER missed a meal, gone cold, gone without shelter, or gone without PERIOD- WHAT A GLORIOUS GOD WE SERVE!

    It is my prayer this week, that even if you are “going through it” you might be able to rise your head up for just a second and see that you can be “HAPPY THOUGH xyz…” Happiness is a CHOICE and I choose this week to PROVE IT!


    What would you do if you could do ANYTHING with your life and money was NO object? Ever since Jessica was a little girl, she dreamed of being a mommy, a wife, a teacher, and a writer. In 1995 her wedded dream came when Jesus Himself introduced her to her now husband Jeff. Together Jeff and Jessica have 5 children and Jessica writes and blogs daily in the hope that someone will be blessed by the Lord, in the same direct and relevant way that she has been. Jessica teaches and believes that an intense and personal relationship with Jesus IS all that you need, and that the Bible is the key to unlocking that intensity for Christ that you have always dreamed of having.

    You can keep in touch with Jessica and Wholehearted Minisrties at wholeheartedministries.com, on twitter, via facebook, through email subscription to articles, and directly through email at jessica@wholeheartedministries.com. Thank you for your support!

    RETURN TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, WHM HERE

    Welcome to 2011, ¬†A Year of ‚ÄúCreative Newness!‚ÄĚ