How & Why I Work So Hard to Brain Wash My Husband…


This blog post is taken from Jessica’s home blog at

I have a plan to take over my husband’s brain…


No really, I work relentlessly to brain wash him (as most women do), the only thing is I don’t brain wash him with my thoughts or what I think would be the best… I work at brainwashing him to better empower HIS THOUGHTS with who he considers are “the greats”. Imagine being married to a man like Billy Graham, John Maxwell, George Muller, Gary Chapman, Dale Carnegie, Malcolm Gladwell, or even Jesus. WAIT – WHAT?! Yes, I am married to a Jesus type man – and it all came about through brain washing.

You think I am kidding? Nope. Not at all. See, for 19 years this July I will have read OUT LOUD hundreds of books in the car while we go places. Books that are mostly non-fiction (I think the only ‘fiction’ book I have ever read was The Greatest Miracle in the World by Og Mandino) I have read books that inspire, books that teach, and books that can motivate even the most weary soul. Mostly, I have read books by people and subjects only HE is interested in learning more about. Frankly, I have come to enjoy them too.


Honestly, it’s hard for me to keep a straight face when I hear wives who tell me they are struggling in their marriage, and they believe they have done everything they can to inspire their spouse. Until you have read out loud hundreds of books to your husband that inspire him – in my opinion, you haven’t. 

I learned long ago my mission in life… was my husband. I also learned I am the thermostat in our house, and only I HAVE THE POWER to turn on or “off” my husband.  This does not mean my husband does not have a mind of his own – this means that MEN ENJOY BEING WITH WOMEN MORE  than they enjoy being ALONE (even with their own thoughts). We as wives can take advantage of this desire – in a good way or in a bad way.

Let’s take for example the married couple who is struggling. They argue all the time, or worse yet they don’t even talk, and yet somehow they stick together. They still go places, they still sit in the same room watching different programs on their mobile devices – why? Because God made them to “go together”. The reason these two are together, is because it is nature and at its most remedial it is good. 

What they are doing with their time – not so good. 

In most unhappily married cases – 9 out of 10 of them – the “dead time” in which a couple is together in this natural environment is spent unwisely. Typically it consists of a wife nagging her husband on all the things he ISN’T doing right. This my friends sadly is fact. Words like this are routinely spoken, “You never! Why didn’t you! Why can’t you be more like (so and so)!” 

Yet, the husband (who doesn’t want to be alone) will continue to go back to the verbal attacks and engage SOMETIMES, but most often will sit by and let his wife get more and more mad. She on the other hand will be frustrated because she EXPECTS change out of her “dead beat” husband, (which in all honesty is also 9-10 times the case as unmotivated men are in epidemic portions in this generation) and yet he refuses to move, change, grow, or learn anything new on his own.


Here is where I am different. I was engaged twice to men I thought were going to be “the one” by the time I was 18. I desperately wanted to me a wife and a mommy. I also was taught I needed to “go to school”. So naturally, I discovered and looked for classes that would best come in alignment with my ambitions to be a “professional housewife”. I studied Psychology, Neuroscience, Childhood Development, Biblical Studies, Humanities, Art Appreciation, Art History, History, and Social Sciences. As time progressed, I added courses on Leadership, Public Speaking, Writing, Teaching, and Marriage Relationships. In all this learning about the brain, neuroscience, personalities, and personality disorders – I learned that our brains are LITERALLY sponges and will “SOAK UP” whatever we expose them to. As a strategic woman, as a Woman of God who understands the power God has given me in a marriage relationship, I decided to embark on an experiment of epic proportions – BRAIN WASHING MY HUSBAND FOR SUCCESS.


Jeff and I were only 19 and 21 when we met. His first job was at a retailer as a temporary job during the Christmas rush. I worked at the mall. Neither of us had finished college and while we took courses intermittently, education to us has always been and “ongoing process” not a final destination. In other words, we were not college grads. If we EVER needed to learn anything we picked up a book, or sought a personalized teacher of life.  Now we both own our own businesses, we have been asked to speak in public to groups as collegiate as Stanford University, we have been written up in magazine articles and have been interviewed for online publications on the topics of family, success, and business. This DID NOT HAPPEN BY ACCIDENT.


Since we were broke as a new couple and spent most of our married life as students of it (life) instead of masters of it – if we EVER needed to go anywhere, we DROVE. Imagine having no car stereo and driving everywhere in ONE CAR. I can remember driving Jeff to work daily 1.5 hour round trips, so I could have the car for the day. Or driving down to California from Oregon, 13 hour road trips. We even drove as a family once from California to South Dakota and back. What would you do with all that time?


My body wished it could have slept. My flesh WANTED to look at People Magazine or read US!, heck even a CD or two would have been great. But these are the opportunities I decided long ago as a Psyche student could MAKE or BRAKE our success as a family. I have read SOOO MANNNYY BOOOKKKSS. Thankfully, my husband likes the sound of my voice, odds are yours likes the sound of your voice too… the secret here however is, I NEVER READ BOOKS I WAS ONLY INTERESTED IN. I READ BOOKS ABOUT THINGS HE WAS INTERESTED IN. 

Was it boring? Initially. You better believe reading how every hole on Augusta National Golf Course is played strategically IS BORING. The only words I even recognized was “AMEN CORNER” and “AZALEA”. *YAWN* 

If Jeff was interested in beer, I would go online and find a book on beer, The Search for God and Guinness: A Biography of the Beer that Changed the World by Stephen Mansfield. If Jeff was stressed out about work I read, Focal Point by Brian Tracy. If Jeff wanted to make more money I read,How Rich People Think by Steven Siebold. If Jeff had doubts Christian men could make money REAL MONEY, I read Mover of Men and Mountains by R.G. LeTourneau. If Jeff was hard around the edges and having a hard time making relationships I would read, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I have also read FAR MORE GOLF BOOKS than I would like to admit, SERIOUSLY – I am starting to believe I CAN PLAY GOLF ON THE PGA TOUR. I have read business books, marriage books, statistic books, sports books, and countless biographies on rich people. How many books FOR ME have I read…? Hmm….. LOL.


Would you be willing to pick up a book, and leave it in the car door pocket so every time you got in the car you turned off the radio and instead read about Barry Bonds, Michael Jordan, Robert Kiyosaki, Donald Trump, Steve Jobs, or Bear Grylls? Would you be willing to take the time to read out loud about how certain men became men… how certain sports became sports… how certain men shaped certain sports?


DO I REALLY NEED TO SPELL IT OUT? When I read to my husband what other successful men have done – he gets fired up inside to be successful! If instead I read to him some fantasy Cinderella love story book – he would have crashed our car long ago! I started using our drive time as our audible book time LONG before audible books became a thing, and even today I STILL READ OUT LOUD because it is MY VOICE he is hearing, and we BOTH become on page with success. As a matter of fact, we just came back from a trip to Oregon (12 hours) back and forth and with six kids in the car I STILL READ a book out loud. Golf is Not a Game of Perfect by “Doc” Rotella. After which he came back and shot the low round of his life… yeah, this is how it works.


I work diligently as a student practicer of Logotherapy (you can wiki it) to find meaning in ones life. Why are we here? As a married woman, this doesn’t just apply to me, it also applies to my husband. Helping my husband BECOME ALL HE WAS CREATED TO BECOME is my MISSION in life. I do this by first taking into consideration his strengths, his natural tendencies and desires, and then YES … I brain wash him and exploit these desires by conditioning his brain to EXPECT THE SUCCESS OF THE MEN HE DESIRES TO EMULATE FOR HIMSELF.

I think of, and am motivated quite often to prove this saying incorrect in our relationship… “Behind every successful man is a successful woman … and all too often, that woman is NOT his wife.”

Jeff and Jessica have studied many subjects such as business, marriage, and parenting. Jessica runs and operates You can read their bios here:


Dealing With Mommy’s Hour of Condemnation… The Conde’mom’nation Hour.


This blog post taken from our sister website “


For me… it happens every night right as I am about to go to bed. Those nagging questions begin to flood in, you know the ones … “Am I doing enough? Did the kids brush their teeth? Should I work more on the calendar? Do I have a coffee date tomorrow? What am I making for dinner? Did I get the laundry done? What’s in the wash? What’s in the dryer? Will I be able to sleep through the night?…” It is almost as if we expect the “Siri” in our brain to answer all of our pestering questions and then go to work on them like a Genie in the lamp, leaving us to wake up refreshed and all our work finished while we sleep.

I have named this “The Conde’mom’nation Hour”. If when our babies were newborns they had “witching hours” – times of day when all they did was cry – I think we moms as we grow older in our parenting seem to develop a condemnation hour – same time every night. Right as we are trying to relax.

How is it we can WORK ALL DAY at doing our best; driving our kids to practice, making dinner, being there for our husbands… and then in an instantall our “good deeds” become forgotten and we are left questioning everything from our hip size to our house size? Honestly, I think it’s because as moms we have decided to become by day total CONTROL FREAKS.

Wow, that was a revelation right there. I normally don’t consider myself a control freak. And have only began thinking in terms of this as I write this post. I have SIX KIDS and everything to me is OUT OF CONTROL, like 99% of the time. I don’t like babies to have dirty faces (which they do), sit in dirty diapers (naturally), and I don’t like them wearing dirty clothes (of course). I don’t like dishes in the sink, or toys all over the floor. We live in 1000 sqft and if a towel is so much as left out in the open – it is as if you moved the couch into the center of the room.

I think the last eight years of living with eight people in a “quaint” space has made me a bit of a control freak. (YES I AM ADMITTING THIS) But is being “clean” controlling? I suppose it is, if I loose focus of myself and instead of cleaning up to serve others, I only clean up to stay busy keeping up appearances and in-turn become some sort of house drill Sergeant. Perhaps the Condemomnation Hour is a direct result of all the micro-controlling decisions I make ALL DAY LONG compiled into a MACRO self-condemnation moment right when I need to relax enough to fall asleep to get the energy I need to be “mom” all over again the next day.

Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE our house – I do not desire to move or uproot our family from the nest we have built. These last eight years have been amazing in the sense of discovering what is most important to our family. Today’s revelation seems to be the last and final piece to the puzzle of what it means to be in this Chapter in my life. The realization that condemnation only comes from two places – myself, and the devil. Yeah, I wrote about the nasty adversary who seeks to destroy.  All he wants is for me to feel like a BAD MOMMY, and when I am a control freak all day long and can’t control anything even into the night – I AM A BAD MOMMY. No one should go to bed feeling inadequate! No one should go to bed feeling the pain of condemnation!


First off we can take a deep breath and realize some stuff is just out of our hands. Not everything is going to get done before bed, sometimes our kids will forget to brush their teeth, sometimes we will too. The Bible says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who love God and are called according to his purpose”. (Romans 8:1) I agree with that – and need to remember that more often. Jesus hasn’t condemned me for my sins… as a mater of fact in Him I won’t even be persecuted for my sins! Is not picking up a pair of undies off the floor an unforgivable sin? NO! So I have no right to treat it as one! Jesus loves me for me, not my spotless floors!

Secondly, we can understand these things are only temporal. As a mater of fact, the longer we work to remain clean and tidy (it’s a constant process) the tidier and cleaner we will get, and the tidier and cleaner we get as we grow – when our own children are up and grown – the tidier and cleaner we will have become. Then that day will come when they have up and moved out, and our houses will always be clean! This too shall pass!

As for tomorrow, I VOW to make tomorrow better. I will try to “control” less and GIVE more. I will go to bed without a bag of condemomnation weighing on my shoulders because I will defer to others some of the daily work, or simply allow it to get done in it’s own time.

Just as babies eventually grow out of their “witching hours” it is time for this mom to grow out of her “condemomnation hours”. Who’s with me?


FREE Ebook – Enjoy a Copy of Jessica’s Recent Book For FREE

Your Best Life


As many of you know, a few months ago as I was lying in bed, an idea came to my mind. I had just finished reading through Priscilla Shires study book on Gideon and Malcolm Gladwell’s book David & Goliath. It was as if God was CHALLENGING me to “do something different”… be “unique”.

It was at that moment that I began wondering what would happen if… instead of posting on Facebook, twitter, blogs and what not – I held back all my micro thoughts and bursts of emotional whit & whimsy and instead wrote about my experiences every night and then published an “episode” every week? BRILLIANT!

As a writer you see, social media can be very limiting and scary. You want me to write the Declaration of Independence in 140 characters or less? ARE U KDING ME? (I can’t even shorthand type right when I don’t need to!) In response to this, the One Week Wonder was conceived.

But writing about my life on a weekly basis is pretty boring. Doesn’t everyone have six kids, run a couple of businesses, homeschool, marry a dreamer and live in 1000 sqft? Yup. It’s drab. What I need is more of a challenge!

When you begin following The One Week Wonder, you will find that I am just an ordinary girl trying to do extraordinary things in order to motivate a couple of people to think different. I am a friendly type who would much rather have a cup of coffee than burn it out on the treadmill, I would rather watch TV than read 100 pages in a book, and I would definitely rather eat bon-bons and go shopping than write daily what sometimes takes me up to 2 hours to do. I do these things anyway however, because I am compelled to change the world… one … word … at … a … time. (I typed that to sound dramatic – I really just love what I do)


I am SO happy with the way book #2 came out I want to send it to you (pdf/google doc) for free! Here is the description:

The I Wonder What Would Happen If… eBook series is a collection of EASY READ mini -“e”- Books that are intended to encourage and inspire readers to positively try new things. In this weeks book, Jessica Heilman has explored the trials and triumphs of exercising with six children, what it means to persevere, and in addition the book also features six absolutely AMAZING athletes that have overcome the loss of limbs, mental handicaps and other hardships to become the BEST in their fields.

Through the author’s personal experiences, Jessica Heilman explores subjects like: health, fitness, wellness, wealth, religion, psychology, marriage, and family on a weekly basis. She is also a speaker, blogger, and artist who has recently changed all of her social media titled occupations to “FRIEND.”

Jessica is a homeschooling mother of six children, wife of 18 years, and is the Founder of Wholehearted Ministries out of San Jose, California.

If you are interested in receiving a FREE copy of my book just send me a note to my email: and I will be happy to send you a copy! I do not share, publish or send out spam. I just need an address to send the ebook to, and would like to be here for your personally if you need to talk. I am blessed to be able to send it to you and will always send out this week – WEEK 2 out for free to anyone who asks for it.

Here is to a BLESSED day and a whole new life!
You can find Jessica’s books on Amazon HERE

Jessica Heilman, Founder WHM

You can follow Jessica on twitter @ imwholehearted & the1wkwonder

You can find Jessica on Facebook @ Wholehearted Ministries or The One Week Wonder

Our site has a new look with easy to subscribe to options! Check it out: 

You can always reach out to Jessica for teaching, counsel, or speaking at:

Jessica Heilman is the mother of six children ages 16-1, lives in San Jose, California and has been married to Jeff Heilman for nearly 18 years. You can read their marriage testimony here at: We Decided to Get Married on Our First Date!


Is This Pie WHOLE?

Whole Pie


I have a rather provocative question… is this pie WHOLE? The answer… “Yes”. What makes it whole? Is it the fact that it isn’t missing any pieces? No, what makes this pie WHOLE, is that it is the end product of what the Baker had originally intended. In math if an image has all its parts (a pie for example), it is considered whole. If you take a piece away however…


In the book of John Jesus came across a man who had been ill for 30 years and unable to walk. What was Jesus’ first question to the man… “Will you be made whole?” (John 5:6) Jesus didn’t profess the man was healed until after the man decided that he would allow Jesus to help. Jesus is a gentleman and He will not force Himself on any man. The value we as readers need to see in this scripture is two fold:

  1. We were created in our ENTIRETY from the Creator. Just like the pie from the Baker, if we came out of our mother’s with the breath of life – we have been made in His Image. But what about the disabled? MADE IN HIS IMAGE. What about different races? MADE IN HIS IMAGE. It is only by way of the sin in this world that we are separated from God, and it is in this sin that unavoidably our pie is torn to pieces.
  2. Thanks to the sin in this world, our life experiences and the ignorant presumptions of others our wholeness becomes taken from us. It is only through our decision to forgive, let go, and allow the Lord to make us whole!

The World


When you consider all of the external influences in your life that have made an impression on your overall psyche, it is dizzying! Everyone everywhere taking a piece of your pie!

You have to CHOOSE to let Jesus do His work in you. In this picture the “you pie” is being torn in every direction and there is no glue that can put a cut pie back together. This pie would have to be SPIRITUALLY reassembled, just like new. A new creation.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Cor 5:17 


In a matter of 30 seconds or less you can make the decision to be “made whole”. As a blog writer one of my jobs is to read books and write reviews about the books that I have read, or am currently reading. (See yesterday’s post) A must have book that I have read recently: 30 Second Solution: Transform Your Body, Business, Relationship, and Life in Just Seconds at a Time by Ron Kardashian goes into great detail on the power our split second decisions make to our lives, how those decisions can make or break us – literally. The decision to allow the Lord to make you WHOLE takes only a matter of seconds – and those seconds can and will permanently change your life FOREVER.

“Jesus, I need you. I need wholeness in my life. I believe that you died and rose again, took my sin and because of you I am a new creation. I invite you to become the Lord of my life. Yes Lord, I receive you!”




If you have just prayed this prayer of salvation, or have rededicated your life to Christ Jessica would like to hear from you! You can email her here at:

Jessica Heilman, Founder WHM

You can follow Jessica on twitter @ imwholehearted

You can find Jessica on Facebook @ Wholehearted Ministries

Our site has a new look with easy to subscribe to options! Check it out: 

You can always reach out to Jessica for teaching, counsel, or speaking at:

Jessica Heilman is the mother of six children ages 16-1, lives in San Jose, California and has been married to Jeff Heilman for nearly 18 years. You can read their marriage testimony here at: We Decided to Get Married on Our First Date!



So, You Married Your Opposite – Now What?


When my husband and I first met we only saw our similarities… there were SO many! From the fact our first names both started with “J” to our dreams, goals, and desires. This made the whole “courtship” process of 3 months easily do-able. When you believe you are marrying the better version of you – where is the hesitation to come from? NO WHERE!

It wasn’t until around the three year mark that I realized how opposite we were. The way we were raised: Christian vs Non-Christian, Siblings vs No Siblings, Rented House vs Purchased House… etc, etc. It was as if the “love cloud” that had made all our similar parts the only thing we could see had evaporated and what was left was two complete strangers living in the same house!




It was upon this revelation that I was left with the decision to change things or just live miserably married. Divorce has never been an option for Jeff or I, as we decided to entirely remove it from our vocabulary (this is something I suggest all couples do). Just like in Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor Dad,  Jeff and I had seen Happily Married Unhappily Married with our Grandparents and Parents and we chose “Happily Married” – even if it meant we had to become students of marriage.

At the five year mark (it took a couple years of me being uncomfortable) I began a serious book reading regime on marriage alone. I took to an at home University and “home schooled” myself in the art of marriage! Here are some of the book titles I devoured:

  • The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
  • For Better of For Best by Gary Smalley 
  • Letters to Karen on Keeping Love in Marriage by Charles W Shedd
  • Personality Plus by Florence Littauer 
  • You Can if You Think You Can by Norman Vincent Peale
  • The Greatest Miracle in the World by Og Mandino
  • Self Love by Robert Schuller

Some of these titles as you can see are not “marriage” or relationship driven, but they are internal personality and over all psychology addressing. I believe WHOLEHEARTEDLY in what Brian Tracy (author of Focal Point a Proven System to Simplify Your Life, Double Your Productivity, and Achieve Your Goals) calls the “leverage of others knowledge”. If the wheel has already been created… why not drive in their car?



So I was reminded today (after nearly 18 years of marriage) about my husband and I and our differences (THANK GOD we are so different! He doesn’t “complete me” he makes me a BETTER me!) when I went to the bank. At the bank there is a big plastic bowl of lolipops and as our custom is, I ALWAYS pull out six of the same colored pop for our six children. ALL red, blue, etc. as to not induce strife. While I was carefully selecting ALL the pink ones (sometimes I laugh out loud at this fact alone considering the other people in line see this woman with hands full of pops) I couldn’t help but laugh because Jeff will ALWAYS pick six opposite colors when he goes to the bank! He thinks watching the kids negotiate and handle conflict is a hoot! It’s as if the challenge he watches them go through is so much better than the obvious peaceful alternative that I would present.


If this post today encouraged you to think about how the oppositeness of your spouse could actually be a strength instead of a weakness, consider saying to yourself “I’m a better me because he/she is the opposite of me.” Think about all the ‘scary’ things that you have been able to do since you have been married that you would have NEVER attempted if it weren’t for your “oppositeness”. Maybe you went to a fancy restaurant for the first time, tried a new food, went sky diving, or meet some new friends we really do have a lot to be thankful for in our opposing views! Think about how boring life would be if we were attracted to our exact replica! Yikes!


Jessica Heilman, Founder WHM

You can follow Jessica on twitter @ imwholehearted

You can find Jessica on Facebook @ Wholehearted Ministries

Our site has a new look with easy to subscribe to options! Check it out: 

You can always reach out to Jessica for teaching, counsel, or speaking at:

Jessica Heilman is the mother of six children ages 16-1, lives in San Jose, California and has been married to Jeff Heilman for nearly 18 years. You can read their marriage testimony here: We Decided to Get Married on Our First Date!